Friday, June 6, 2008

An Attitude Adjustment About Friendship

Some of you may or may not know, but I broke up with someone recently - not because of how we felt about each other, but more because we each have too much going on in our lives to really juggle a relationship well on top of everything else. At any rate, these past couple of weeks, I've been struggling with a sense of loneliness and loss because I really had leaned on Scott during this latest cancer diagnosis and treatment and now I didn't have him to talk to as much anymore. We are trying to be friends and we started hanging out with each other with this idea in mind, but I realized that I was still falling into more relationship mode than friendship mode and was sad when he didn't reciprocate - my fault not his because we talked at length about how this might work. He does want to continue to be there to support me as I navigate treatments and such. So, my friends told me that I needed to try to get used to the idea of just being friends and I agreed but we all realized that it was going to be hard for me because I was feeling lonely.

Anyway, I chatted some with the social worker at the cancer center today and all the things that I do to get support through my treatments and somehow I was reminded of all the recent research that suggests that people who remember to be thankful for something everyday are generally happier. Another blogger, Laurie, at Not Just About Cancer, blogged about "moments of joy". Then, I talked to this woman, Maureen, who draws these wonderful mandalas that I've been coloring at the cancer center. I will blog about this later (her website is

Afterwards, it hit me.

I need to be thankful that I have a friend instead of upset and sad that I don't have a partner.

Thank you, Scott, for your friendship.

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