I'm okay, for the most part, but somewhat traumatized

I went to see the plastic surgeon and he took one look at that area and he said it was definitely the expander. So, he had me lay back and asked if I could feel anything (no, there's no sensation there, I replied) and then he asked his nurse for some supplies. He then proceeded to drain the tissue expander, but he didn't really tell me that was what he was doing until I asked and I knew he did because I felt this warm moisture running down my side. Then, he felt around a bit and I could feel the pressure, he applied more pressure, but still didn't say what he was doing. I cried a bit (mostly because I didn't know what to expect and what he planned to do) and he asked if he was hurting me and I just said that I could feel the pressure and it was uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt. (You know, it's the kind of pressure you feel in the dentist's office when they're doing a root canal and you KNOW you should feel something, but you don't. Just the pressure.) Then, he yanked out the tissue expander.

I asked, "Did you already take it out?" and he said that yes, he did. As long as I couldn't feel anything, he could take it out as an outpatient procedure and we "saved half a day of prep and surgery". He said once the tissue expander was exposed, he had to take it out or risk infection.

Zip, bam, boom. All done. In the matter of about 15 minutes.

I'm still digesting it the whole experience.

In the meantime, he packed that open cavity with gauze to whisk away any moisture so that things don't get infected. He wants me to go back to the wound care clinic and have them pack that area with a "vac", or a vacuum wound pump which will keep whisking the moisture away.

In the meantime, the hole that the tissue expander poked through is still there and he didn't make it much larger by taking out the expander. I will still be able to see the radiation oncologist this afternoon and then my oncologist tomorrow. The plastic surgeon will see me tomorrow afternoon to change out the gauze.

He said if I felt up to it, I could take out the old gauze myself. I said I didn't think I was ready for that. I need some time to adjust to the whole situation.

Whew. I think I'll watch a feel-good movie and maybe color a mandala and just chill. My sis said Eddie can stay there all day and play if I need it. I may take her up on it.

I think it's a ruptured tissue expander

I finally got up the nerve last night to really feel those two areas - one that's more black and the other that's turned clear but sorta grayish in color. I didn't want to feel them if 1) it was healing tissue or 2) it was cancerous tissue. But the area grew a bit yesterday and exposed more of the surface - so I felt it and it feels like plastic.

I think radiation caused the tissue expander to rupture. My body's trying to get rid of this tissue expander and that's why I have a fever. When I changed my dressing today, the whole area was clear, with a grayish tint and it was poking out more. Sorta like those cones Madonna wore for a bra in one of those videos, but it was pointing about 45 degrees to the right instead of straight ahead.

That's what I think anyway. I find out for sure at 10:15am this morning, when I see my plastic surgeon. If I have a chance, I'll post a blog about what it is and what he plans to do. If not, I may be out of touch for a few days.

Another decent night of sleep

I was able to get another decent night's sleep. I still wake every couple of hours, but I was able to get back to sleep. I daresay I got about 7 hours last night. A good thing!

The rest of this post is not for the queasy, but in case it'll ever help someone else, I'm gonna go ahead and report it.

So, those two black spots? Well, on Wednesday evening, I noted that the Biafine lotion I use to heal the open skin wound was actually forming strands over them. (Not sure exactly how Biafine works - but based on this observation, I think the lotion creates a kind of gel-like scaffolding that the skin tissue can form on.) My thought was, "No, we don't want to keep that stuff buried in my skin if it's cancer. We want that crap out!" So, I stopped putting Biafine over those black areas.

On Thursday, it seemed like my body was starting to push those black areas out as more of them were exposed. Thursday night, the bottom black one seemed more charcoal-gray and somewhat clear.

On Friday, the two areas seemed to be bumped up again each other and the bottom one was more gray. Last night, the bottom one was CLEAR and it looked like a gel-like substance, maybe 1/4 inch thick, maybe about 1/2 wide. The black area on the top now looks like a black scab. To the right of the two areas, the tissue (which is white and red) looked like it was pulling away from them and perhaps even irritateed a bit. When I push on the black area or the red/white tissue to the right of it, a bit of clear fluid leaks from it.

What the f#@* is it? I meant to call my plastic surgeon yesterday and/or one of my oncologists. Hell if I know. My thought this morning is that the bottom clear one is part of the tissue expander and that somehow the tissue expander has ruptured there because the radiation made all that tissue tight. I have an appointment with my rad onc on Monday, but I'm also going to see if my plastic surgeon can fit me in as well. Then I have an appointment with my onc on Tuesday.

The good news is that I have absolutely no sensation in that area.

I am not sure how usual this is, but it's weird. I guess I continue to be a "puzzle". Good for the docs, I guess. Keeps them on their toes!

In a good mood otherwise. Not much to do about it now, so I'm gonna head to Portland and enjoy myself!