Transfusion Helped

As I mentioned in my last post, I had a transfusion on Friday. This past weekend and the last two days, I have noticed that it has definitely helped.

On Saturday, I was lazy through the morning, but after lunch, I went to urgent care for a dressing change and then my folks and I went shopping in Albany. I was specifically looking for button-up shirts since I can't lift my arm above my head and put on t-shirts. I still can't wear my zip-up hoodies either as the sleeves are too tight. We got home about dinner time and I managed to keep going through dinner. Then I rested.

On Sunday, after being lazy in the morning, I then ran errands to my office, then picked up Eddie at his dad's, then I went to Urgent Care, then Eddie and I went to the park before dinner, then I had dinner. Then I rested.

On Monday, I was busy from 8 in the morning until about 6:30pm (I worked for awhile, then wound care, then lunch, then met with my colleague K., then picked up Eddie, then did a presentation with K., then stayed around for the reception). I collapsed by then - I was really tired during the reception. The presentation did generate some interest with a few people, so I guess it was successful.

Today, I went to the office for a bit, then wound care, then my class for two hours, then lunch, answered some emails, then had a meeting, picked up Eddie, and from the afternoon until now, I've been sitting in the living room. This is partly because since I came home from the presentation yesterday, my whole left arm has been swollen with lymphedema. I've spent yesterday evening, through today and now this evening, I've been trying to keep my hand and forearm elevated so that the swelling can go down. My left bicep has been swollen since surgery. I figure that once the wound clears, then I'll worry about decreasing that swelling, but I might have to start wearing a sleeve or something before that.

So, even though I am tired now, I am glad that I can have more or less normal activities during the day. I'm happy about that. I am also able to walk up stairs or walk several blocks without losing my breath. Thank goodness for the transfusion.

It's now sunny out. It's supposed to be really sunny and warm tomorrow, with a temp of 70 predicted. Yay! Spring is finally here!

YAY! Real clothes!

The last two days, I've actually worn real clothes.

That's right, I'm wearing jeans and button down shirts! I felt so much more normal. No tubes sticking out of me.

Also, there's no odor in the wound. My body is winning the battle against the bacteria in the wound. My wound care nurse, L., said yesterday that she was impressed with how well my body and immune system was working to fight the bacteria. I said, "But other people are like that, too, right?" and she said, "No, actually, you are in the top 10% in terms of how well your immune system is working. Most people wouldn't be doing so well." She also said that it's due to how well I take care of myself. I added that I think acupuncture has helped my immune system.

As I mentioned before, I think turmeric is really helping the wound. L. also started using collagen on the wound to help my body build tissue.

I was able to go to two appointments yesterday and a friend came to visit. I rested between appointments and before my friend came. That helped.

Today, I'm going to my overload class - it's a 1-credit honors student colloquium that I'm co-teaching with my colleague. He's taken the class the last two weeks and has a good handle on directing the students. I just have to show up today to give my two cents on the readings. They are readings that I have taught before, on traditional ecological knowledge. I don't expect it to take much energy from me. Instead, I expect to gain a bit of energy. My colleague says the students are interested in the subject and are bringing up some interesting insights. My colleague has also really enjoyed the readings I picked, so I'm pleased. It's only 50 min then I plan to come home and rest.

I will still miss my other 2-hour class, though. My other colleague has taken over there - she made some decisions for me since I couldn't even think that far ahead that will or have already helped. I don't think I can handle two hours yet.

I have two other appointments later this afternoon, but will have several hours to rest between times. Which is good because I think I only got about 7 hours sleep last night.

So, more baby steps into the land of the living. Thank you, colleagues! And, thank you to everyone out there for your continued support!

Work Happenings and Other News

I think that my class is going well. I introduced the students to a couple of new concepts like syncretism and folklore performance theory. For the latter, I was able to bring in both My Xeloda by Heather Kenagy and the Mammogram video that Heather did as "Lady Tata" as examples of what it takes to be a good performer. While neither had anything to do with circumpolar peoples and climate change, my students enjoyed it. I think they got the main point and I was able to bring it all back to the chapters they were supposed to read (but none of them did). Anyway, it was fun.

I also met yesterday with my grad student and I think we have some movement forward on what she will do for her master's research.

I also worked on a grant proposal, that I'm working on with my friend and colleague who lives in Bend. She's done a lot of fieldwork on the Seward Peninsula. I have a lot of work to do on it today, though. Lots of NSF/OSU paperwork.

I only have a lunch at the Center for the Humanities today - they do a couple of these each term and pay for a lunch for their current fellows. I can't wait to get down to my office there so I can focus on writing. It's been tough this term - too many appointments - but next term, life should settle down.

I had dinner last night at Big River Restaurant with some of the other models from Puttin' on the Pink. What a great bunch of ladies! We talked a lot about environmental pollutants that can lead to cancer and shared other resources.

In other words, I am, for the most part, getting back to normal. I'm still tired in the evenings. But it's nice to have life settling down.

2 Days With No Mention of Cancer

It just occurred to me . . . over at least the past two days, I have not brought up cancer into any conversations and no one has brought it into any conversation with me, either. My office manager just mentioned yesterday that "you look good". I knew what she meant, but we didn't have to say anything.

The great thing is that at work, I've talked about work. At home, I've chatted to Eddie about his day and schoolwork. With family and friends, it's all about daily life stuff.

How cool is that?

I love it when cancer doesn't take center stage.

(Of course, it doesn't mean that I'm neglecting any of my treatments - to the contrary, I take my meds and do my qi gong on a daily basis. But it's "habit" now, like brushing my teeth, and doesn't take much extra time. I've been expending my mental energy to living life. I love that that is the case. Until I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, I didn't realize that using my mental energy to just live a normal life would be such a luxury. I'll never take that for granted again, that's for sure!!)

Have a great day!

Why couldn't that little bugger pick on someone who's healthy?

On Monday morning, about 8:30am, it was a bit cool (maybe 60 or 65). I was walking across the quad to my office when I saw something flit by me about knee level. Some bug, I thought. Then, the damn thing stung me. Ouch!

When I got to my office, I'd already developed a welt about an inch and a half in diameter. I am not allergic to bees, but I do get these rather big welts and swelling. They itch like crazy, usually. Great . . .

But I left it alone, got involved in a conference call, and later that afternoon, I showed it to my friend who was over here cutting down my cherry tree. Lo and behold, there wasn't a welt any longer. There was just a little red bump, so I forgot about it.

Later that evening, I wanted to scratch it, but I left it alone. I congratulated myself because I usually give in to the urge.

But the next morning, I did scratch it, but only around the edge. I had this topical analgesic for insect bites and I rubbed it on the area hoping to numb it.

By lunch, the area of the sting, right below my knee, was swollen. When I got up from my office chair, my knee was stiff. Cripes. I must've released the venom when I used the slight pressure to put on the topical analgesic. I walked to lunch with a colleague, then walked to my car to go to my appointment with the oncologist.

Later that afternoon, the whole area was swollen and red - about 2 to 2 1/2 inches in diameter. But even worse, there was some swelling that went down my shin, to just about 3 inches above my ankles. All told, an area of about 10 inches long (including the red area) and maybe 3 inches wide was swollen. That was Tuesday night.

I put my foot up and the swelling didn't really go down. By the time I went to bed, I was worried and decided to go to Immediate Care the next day if it wasn't better.

Wednesday morning, I headed to Immediate Care after dropping Eddie off at school. The whole area was swollen and the muscles along my shin ached with movement. And, it was itchy.

The doctor there said that he didn't think it was necessarily just a venom reaction. He thought that there just might be an infection. Luckily, I didn't have a fever or any other sign of an infection (a slight sore throat, but that might not be related). So, he's put me on a 7-day course of antibiotics. (He also took out the stinger, which I wasn't sure was there or not.)

I took the first dose with lunch yesterday and I also took Benadryl to help the swelling. But yesterday afternoon, the swelling was still there - it didn't go away - and all I felt was sleepy.

So, just before taking the second dose, I finally figured out something else I could do. I still had some turmeric paste and as I mentioned several months ago, turmeric has antibiotic, antimicrobial, and antifungal properties and is good for skin conditions, generally. I think it may even help remove toxins. So, I put some on with my leg elevated and let it soak like that, like a poultice, for about 20 minutes. Then I cleaned it all off.

By the time I went to sleep an hour or so later, most of the swelling was gone. I used it again this morning and the whole area felt better, although there were times when I could still feel some stiffness.

This morning, my acupunturist put in a needle to help remove toxins along that meridian. She also gave me another topical ointment that will remove toxins.

It's much better - maybe the combo plate of taking out the stinger, antibiotics, the turmeric, the acupuncture, and the other ointment. Who cares? It's healing.

But, sheesh. Seems like the bugger could've picked on someone else. I mean, haven't I been through enough?

Then again, I want to be normal, right? Insect stings might as well get me as someone else.

Just what I need, an equal opportunity bug.

P.S. When I mentioned this to Cat, she said that sometimes bees or other insects "might get into something" that will cause an illness - like the bug may have gotten some kind of bacteria or other toxin on its stinger and transferred it to me. That's a lovely thought.

Just made a cool observation that . . .

neither of my last two posts were about cancer.

How cool is that?

Why am I not interested in Stand Up 2 Cancer?

Twice today, tomorrow's TV event, Stand Up 2 Cancer, came up. My dad mentioned it and so did the Cheeky Librarian.

Teri (the Cheeky Librarian) made some good points in terms of why she doesn't plan to tune in and I happen to agree with her.

But for me, there's something more going on that I'm still trying to put my finger on. It has to do with the fact that I've never participated in Race for the Cure, even when I was diagnosed six years ago, or Relay for Life. Three of my friends and colleagues either participated in these two events or donated money on my behalf and I really don't mind that. Others donated directly to the American Cancer Society on my behalf. Again, more power to them. A friend of mind mentioned getting a team together for Race for the Cure in Portland later this month and I said I wasn't really interested.

Our local breast cancer coordinator recently mentioned an annual event here called Puttin' on the Pink and I told her that I'm not really interested in that either. Part of it has to do with the critique against "pink ribbon marketing". (I think Breast Cancer Action has a lot of material on that.)

But on a personal level, I don't really want to participate. I think it might have to do with the fact that I LIVE cancer all the time and I also tend to think about it more than the average person (uh, ya think?). So, when I do have leisure time, I want to have fun and live as normal a life as I possibly can, one in which cancer doesn't take center stage. I'd rather be doing different things that define my life more.

Like my son and my family.

Like my friends.

Like my work.

Does that make sense?

Pity Party's Over - I Hope!

Hi all,
Just wanted you to know that I'm feeling better today, although when I woke up this morning, I wasn't so sure. I still have the sore throat, but it seems to be better. (I said that before, though, so I'm not holding my breath!)

I had an expansion appointment this morning and so far, I don't feel as sore as I did last week. Progress is always good! I told my doctor today that the left side was feeling softer, more like a water bed! He he.

He also released me to go back to normal activities (which I more or less was doing, although cautiously) and, furthermore, he felt that playing volleyball was fine as long as I didn't go all out. Yay! Since my surgery, it seems that my team has forfeited more games than they've played for lack of players. I've been trying to recruit more players as I've lost five since last year - haven't been as successful as I'd hoped, so I'm glad I'll be able to play again - in fact, my first time on the court since surgery is tonight. We'll see how I do!

I also forgot to mention that I also have a MUGA scan scheduled for Wednesday - so I have an appointment scheduled for each day this week.

Workwise, this week, I'm hoping to 1) work on an article related to placename density on King Island; 2) begin throwing together a proposal or two to get more funding for the King Island project; and 3) work on a bibliography related to the Alaska Native Claims Settlement Act. We'll see how much I actually get accomplished!

Happy Monday,
Dee

Onions and Christmas Trees

Hi everyone,
Here's another picture from the "boob food" contest. Amazingly, it looks almost exactly like the entry that won first prize, but unfortunately, they've fallen or sagged. The boob cake was made by Amy Searles, who was ill and couldn't come to the party, but her husband, Josh, brought it. Apparently, he said, it was too warm in the car because all the icing and the other "toppings" melted and slipped, which for us older women is generally the sad state affairs for your breasts - saggy boobs! And, to commemorate the poor things, here's a joke that my cousin, Theresa Muktoyuk, sent right before my surgery. The joke seems to fit the photo!

ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table.The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her
30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After
50, they are like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration!"

HA!

I got a good laugh out of that one!

In the meantime, no new news on the treatment front, other than I seem to be healing nicely. I am actually 1) sleeping on my side now! 2) able to lift my arms above my head so that I can put on pullover shirts and turtlenecks, the latter is especially nice since it's been around freezing here in the Willamette Valley; 3) able to reach for things; and 4) hug my son (and my boyfriend) and allow my son's head to rest on my shoulder while I have my arm around him. I hadn't let my son do that when things still felt tender and because of the numbness around my chest area. I have this six-inch band of numbness that starts from about 3-4 inches below my neck to just under where my old breasts used to be, and this band extends from underneath one arm all the way around to the other arm, except for a bit of sensation right around my breast bone in the center of my chest. It's strange - I can feel pressure deeper in that area, but no sensation at all on the skin. I was a bit leery at first because I wasn't sure I could tell whether or not my son would be applying too much pressure or not (and thereby causing an injury I wouldn't be aware of because I can't feel), but I think I've figured out. Or maybe because I have nearly normal range of movement, I feel that I'm just about healed so now feel that I can hug without worrying. Boy! The issues one worries about that you never think you'd have to think about!

Next week, I will have an appointment with Dr. Kenyon and then prior to starting Herceptin, I want to have my heart function evaluated . . . so it doesn't look like I will start until mid-January. I guess he and I will also talk about chemically inducing menopause for a few months as I think I will try to have my ovaries removed when I have the permanent implants inserted. This way, I have both procedures at the same time and thereby limit my time in surgery. My plastic surgeon was okay with that scenario, so now I just need to check with my ob/gyn.

In the meantime, I want to do a couple of things around the house and tomorrow, I will be meeting with Scott's friend, Greg Hyatt, to talk about web designing; Greg wants to help develop interactive, educational web sites about endangered animals and the environment and with my interest in climate change issues in the north, it seems a good fit. I already have some information that I'd like to put into an interactive web site for the King Island community, so we'll see. It'll be fun to sit around a brainstorm for a bit tomorrow!

Take care all and Happy 2008!
Dee

The Manogram

Hello again,
So, here's 2 cartoons one of our students (Courtney again) found . . . both based on the mammogram. Fun, huh? I'll try to get a joke and another picture or two tomorrow (but don't hold your breath!).

I spent today running some errands - one in particular was to gather all of my son's pictures with Santa and put them into frames. Most of the pictures I had were 5x7 or 8x10 so I asked my brother Scott to scan them so I could print out 4x6's for the picture frames. Boy, there's now 8 pictures of him from 2000 to 2007! It was fun to go back over the older pictures of him as a baby/toddler. This is a project I've been meaning to do for a couple of years now! Whew! Does anyone else have lists of stuff they've been meaning to do but they always get put on the back burner. Sigh . . . I guess that's life.

Happy New Year!
Dee

Happy Holidays!

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted in about a week and I just wanted to tell everyone that I'm doing okay and in good spirits, especially now that I've made a decision about treatment. I talked to Dr. Kenyon the other day and we more or less decided that I would start Herceptin soon after January 7, 2008. I'll have a year of injections, given every three weeks. At some point, when I get my permanent implants, I'll have my ovaries removed and until then, I may be given a monthly injection to stop my ovarian function temporarily.

I've spent this week in Christmas preparations - my mom, my sister and her kids, and Eddie and I made 8 1/2 dozen cookies on Sunday, I finished my shopping on Monday, and then Wednesday, I spent all day wrapping presents while watching Heroes on DVD (I bought the first season for Scott and I to watch). On Tuesday, I went up to Portland and met with my colleagues, Tom Thornton and Arthur Mason, to talk about a project in which we study the affects of ANCSA (the Alaska Native Claims Settlement Act) on Alaska Native cultures and their political force in the state of Alaska. Tom and I had submitted a proposal last year to NSF that was funded - Arthur is interested in it so we had a conversation about how he might be involved also. It was a good conversation, which was augmented by the fact that it took place in Powell's, surrounded by books!

Anyway, have a great holiday! I wish you all the best and thank you so much for reading the blog and sending me your support. I do appreciate and am looking forward to a good holiday!
Love, Dee

Ahh, the wonders of a shower!

Hi again,
First, I realize that my last post was a book! I apologize for being so long-winded, but as a few others have noted, typing all that stuff out helps me organize my thinking, so it is therapeutic.

I have a few pieces of good news. First, I saw Dr. Faddis on Tuesday, who removed the drains and who said that my skin is healing nicely. However, some of the skin on the left nipple was "sloughing" off. So, he asked that I go in and see Dr. Havard. So, I saw Dr. Havard yesterday afternoon and while the upper layer of skin had died and was sloughing off, there was some new pink healthy skin underneath. So, we'll just wait and see. "Pumping up" starts December 10. We'll see how that goes. The best part is that Dr. Havard took off the ace bandage (which had been binding up my chest for 11 days!) and said I could start showering! One never realizes how good a shower feels until you're deprived of it for awhile! I luxuriated in it for awhile this morning! Whew!

I also found an article that relates to Her-2 positive breast cancers. I'm not sure I understand all the stats, but this is what I think the article said. First, there is a pretty strong correlation between Her-2 positive cancers and having 3+ positive lymph nodes. Generally, I think that means that Her-2 positive cancers are aggressive and tend to spread to the lymph system. But with this group of tissue samples, the people who saved the samples didn't have long-term data on the rate by which these women had relapses or died. So, they studied a second group of breast tissue samples. All of these samples, first of all, were lymph node positive. And, they found a strong correlation between cancers that were positive for Her-2 overexpression (like mine) and relapse and death. In other words, it seems statistically significant that Her-2 positive breast cancers in node positive women tended to relapse sooner and their deaths were earlier. This, from what I have read in another book related to Her-2, is the first study to look into Her-2 positive cancers and it is this study that all the other websites and recommendatons are based on - namely, Her-2 positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive, relate to relapse and metastases and earlier death.

But, my lymph system is blocked, as I noted in the last blog. Soooo, does this mean I can breath easier? Not yet - I still need to find data on Her-2 positive, lymph node negative breast cancer, if such data exist. Or, better yet, Her-2 positive, no lymph drainage women.

The other good news is that I got to thinking about the prior radiation I had to the right breast. I have been told by Dr. Havard that radiated tissue loses some of its elasticity and then I got to thinking about how that might affect my blood supply. I noted that post-surgery, I had a lot less fluid drainage on the right side (lymph and blood) than the left. So, I found a website that said something that "radiotherapy lowers the blood flow to the area" and also that "radiotherapy can sometimes break blood vessels in the area". Now, whether this is a long-term affect (i.e., it would still affect that tissue after five years) or short-term (in which the tissue recovers) was not answered, but given that the drainage on the right side was about half that on the left, I conclude that the blood supply to the right side was also compromised due to the radiation. Again, that might cut down on any paths the cancer may have had out of my breast, which is a good thing.

Okay, my outlook is improving . . . thanks for listening!
Dee

Beautiful Sunday in Oregon

We just had a beautiful week-end here in Oregon - sunny and in the 60s both yesterday and today. Today was devoted to yardwork and housework - I wanted to finally paint the ceiling in my living and dining room, but I ended up only getting about halfway done because the #@*#&$ popcorn texture ceiling started falling off! I don't think that the person or persons who put that texture on the ceiling put primer on beforehand, so it just scrapes off really easily. So, I put that whole project on hold for awhile.

At any rate, I wanted to tell everyone that I am indeed having my "Boob Ball" on Saturday, Nov. 3, at 6pm. If you write to me via email or call me, I can give you my address or directions. My son will be there, so it will be okay to bring kids, but we'll have to be careful if there are any risque jokes or images . . . I am planning to do an activity involving boobs and there will also be a contest for the best word joke and the best visual joke. So, please remember to bring a boob joke! I am kinda thinking of compiling it into a book of some sort and have it distributed to the breast cancer support group here in town. By the way, here's a joke that a former student named Erin Haynes gave me:

Q. What do model trains and boobs have in common?
A. Both are intended for children, but it's the fathers who end up playing
with them

You all wanted to know how you can help, and so I wanted to make a request of everyone and it has to do with mind/body interactions and what is called visualization. Let me explain. A colleague of mine, Melissa Cheyney, told me last year sometime that right before she had her wisdom tooth (or teeth?) taken out, someone told her to spend some time "talking" to them. She basically told them that she didn't need it (or them), thanked them for being there, and then asked them to let go of her jaw willingly. Afterward they were removed, I think she told me that the dentist said that she hardly had any bleeding and she hardly had any pain. Remembering her story, I decided to begin meditations in which I talk to my breasts and tell them thanks for what they've done for me, but now it'd be better if they were taken away. I've asked them to go willingly and also asked my body to let go of them with little to no pain. I've tried to visualize the surgery in order to prepare both my mind and body for what will happen. I'm also anxious and apprehensive about this surgery as I'm not sure how much pain I will have and also I'm not looking forward to the nausea from the anesthesia after surgery. So, my request of you is to help me with this meditation - whether you pray or send positive thoughts or send good energy, whatever it is you do. And, what I'm telling myself (and what I'm asking you to do) is: 1) ask my body not to get nauseous after surgery; 2) ask my breasts to leave my body willingly and with little pain; 3) to talk to my pectoral (sp?) muscles so that they are not tight and allow the temporary implants to be inserted under them easily; and finally 4) to help me not to be too anxious beforehand. I was very anxious before surgery last time - and I didn't know what to expect - and I think that that may have affected me post-surgery. I've been doing some ready and it just seems that the more positive you are before surgery or chemo or whatever, the better your body reacts .. .

I appreciate it, everyone! And, remember those jokes!