Much Better This Morning

Even though I was tired last night, I couldn't get to sleep, so I finally got up and did a qigong form called "Great White Crane". It's to help your lung meridians but some of the movements mimic a crane taking a bath in the water or just walking through the water in joy.

Also, one of my blogging friends, Jeanne, said that she wishes she could help lighten my load somehow in one of her comments to my post about the wound. When I woke up at 4am, I remembered that comment and also a breathing exercise given to me back in 2002, the first time I went through treatments.

The trick is to breathe in strength and energy and breathe out the bad stuff. Bad emotions, etc.

So I did that at 4am for a few minutes. I imagined bringing in strength and energy with my in-breath and breathing weakness and pain out with my out-breathe.

And, ya know what? I feel better this morning. Better able to meet the challenges of the day. Better able to work and teach my first class.

That feels a whole lot better than the last few days. Thanks for jogging my memory on that one, Jeanne!

To Victoria and Home Again

I'm sorry I haven't posted the past few days - I traveled to Victoria, BC, on Wednesday (it took me a flippin' 14 hours!!! because of a mechnical problem on a plane) and didn't get there until 11pm. I was routed through Vancouver BC and while waiting for my flight to Victoria, I decided to have a beer at a pub there. While I was on Facebook, I heard a screech - several screeches really - and then there was a rat running across the floor! It went from one side of the bar (on one concourse) and ran to the other side of the bar (to the concourse on that side) Holy cow! At an airport! I took my feet off the floor and put them up on the chair across from me, just in case. Then, about ten minutes later, the rat (same one, presumably) ran back across to where he or she came! That was my excitement.

I spent Thurs and Fri in meetings - about 12 separate meetings with individual people each day. I was part of a three-person external review team that was evaluating a master's program in Environmental Education and Communication.

The program itself is unique - I don't know that there are any other specifically Environmental Education programs anywhere else in North America.

Anyway, I learned a lot and then took a cab about 4:15 to the airport, then waited for the flight to Seattle, had a 3+ hour layover, then a flight to Eugene. We landed at 11:45pm and then I got home by about 12:45am. Asleep by about 1:15pm and up at 8:30am this morning.

I'm tired.

I have an afternoon qigong workshop today. Nothing really going on tomorrow, but Monday afternoon, I'll be part of a meditation class. Before the class, I will start Herceptin and will take that along with zometa every three weeks and then take daily Tykerb pills.

The pain under my armpit - which is episodic and happens only when I use or stretch out my arm - is probably due to a pinched nerve from the swollen lymph nodes. I've been taking Tylenol fairly regularly which seems to help.

Anyway, the sun is shining and things are settling in at home. Time to get going! Enjoy your week-ends everyone!

Sunday's hike, then meditation, then laziness

Yesterday, I got up fairly early for the week-end (6:45am) and went on a hike in McDonald Forest with a friend, then went to the Zen Buddhist meditation service with a colleague, ate a quick lunch downtown, then by the time I got home, I was sleepy and lazy! I finally got up the gumption to go to the grocery store by mid-afternoon. Got all my groceries except bread and butter and came back home and was lazy again.

I'm not sure what to think of the Zen Buddhist service. I find it hard to meditate - you are supposed to watch your thoughts go by and not follow them, but I found myself following them. They say it takes practice. I may go again . . .

Today, I need to write a recommendation letter, work on a supplemental, email folks about interviews, pay property taxes (ouch!), then pick up Eddie and a classmate. I'm supposed to play v-ball tonight . .. but if there are enough players, I may not play. My right wrist is bothering me (probably from keyboarding) and I think my pectoral muscle is still healing from two weeks ago, although it feels a lot better.

Happy Monday!

The Unmistakable Touch of Grace

I'm reading a book entitled "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace" by Cheryl Richardson. While I'm sometimes uncomfortable with the Christian undertones as well as how commercial her website is (which is why I didn't provide a link to it), I do like what she has to say in the book. The gist of the book is to learn how to recognize when the Divine or the powers that be place messages or opportunities in your path and then to take that path. The path may not always lead you the way you think it's going to, but in the end, it's will contribute to your spiritual growth.

After I was in Hawaii last month (Renee and I had several conversations regarding spirituality), I decided that I should go on a meditation retreat. About a week and a half ago, I mentioned it to a friend and she said that she'd go on one with me. Then, two nights ago, as I read "Touch of Grace", the author mentioned that her work life had become very successful but also too busy, so she decided that after she honored her professional commitments, she'd slow down. One of the first things she did was to go on a meditation retreat. My colleague today told me that she'd take me to this Zen meditation group that meets on Sunday mornings. Just now as I was reading the blog of another cancer blogger (Chris at The Edge of Light), she said that she just started a meditation class.

Hmm. Do ya think the world is trying to tell me something?

Also, while I was in Hawaii, I really connected with turtles. Every time I went into a shop, things with turtles in them caught my eye. I bought turtle earrings, Renee got me a turtle bookmark, I bought a carved bone pendant with a mother turtle carrying a baby turtle on its back (it reminded me of Inupiat umaqqing which is when a mother carries her child on her back), and I bought gifts for family members with turtles. Upon my return home, one of my grad students was wearing a turtle pendant that she bought in Hawaii. Then, on Facebook, someone thanked one of my friends for the turtle necklace and I just happened the read that post. Then, the day before I went to Alaska, I stopped at a stoplight behind a car with, yes, you guessed it, a turtle decal in the window.

Hmm. Do ya think the world is trying to tell me something?

I think the world is trying to tell me to slow down (hence the turtle) and one of my friends this morning also told me that the turtle represents a long life (I like that interpretation, too!). The world is also telling me that my path to slowing down is to do meditation.

What's your take on it?

Tired Today . . . A Rousing Match of Super Mario Kart Helps, though!

I didn't sleep well last night - not sure what was up. I woke up every 1.5 to 2 hours. The previous few nights, I had a half dose of Nyquil before bed because of my nasal congestion and I swear I slept 4-5 hours straight on that stuff. I didn't take it last night because my cold is better.

The day went fairly well - had a nice chat on the phone with an old friend, prepared for class, had a good class, made travel arrangements for Alaska (two weeks away already) for a research trip, then Eddie and I saw "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" and then dinner with my folks - but I've felt tired most of the day. Maybe even a bit moody. Probably because of not sleeping well the night before and also probably because of the news of the tumor markers.

Dad told me at dinner that I had five comments after my post on the tumor markers. So, after dinner, I read them and I cried a little bit. I am really thankful for all of your supportive comments, and for sending your healing and positive thoughts from all over the world. You know, if thoughts and prayers and all have anything at all to do with my healing - and I believe that they do - this cancer doesn't stand a chance. In fact, I think that I'm doing as well as I am precisely because of what you all are doing for me. I do know that it could be worse. Anyway, that's what I choose to believe most of the time - cancer is not going to kill me. I'm going to be around for a good long time. I just need to spend more of my time and energy healing on a daily basis. I really want to learn how to meditate better.

Thank you, everyone, from the bottom of my heart! Have a wonderful evening! And, oh yeah, wish me luck playing volleyball tonight! If we have enough players, though, I'm coming home. Too tired!

P.S. Two hours later: Eddie and I played two Grand Prix's on wii's Super Mario Kart! I won the first one by two points and he won the second one by two points! Woo hoo! That's the first time I beat him at Mario Kart! Yippee! If that doesn't help with fatigue, I don't know what does! My team, unfortunately, lost our match tonight, but it was a close one - 22-20 and 21-18. I started coughing a lot so I stopped after the second game. So, I feel better. Tired still but good!