UPDATE: Much better now

I called my surgeon's office and alerted them about the fact that the chest tumor is bleeding, so I went in to the lab and had blood drawn - and a "type and cross", which needs to be done if you need a transfusion. They double-check your blood type and other antibodies so they can match your blood type to their available blood. So, now I feel better that if I need blood during surgery, they have the necessary information to do so.

I also had a long conversation with the pre-op nurse today and asked about how to clean with Hibiclens. I feel more prepared now about what to do prior to surgery on Thursday.

I also talked to a nurse at my oncologist's office about the diarrhea since it was worse today and extended into the afternoon. I am now taking Imodium and am on a diet that is only easily digestible foods - no fresh fruit and veggies, etc.

I saw the physical therapist, too, today. My arm is about the same as it was the day after I started the compression wrap. I have a couple new strategies for wrapping. She did note, however, that the area at the top and under the arm (nearest the armpit) was 2cm bigger and seemed warm. That indicates inflammation, which might either be my immune system fighting an infection - or like the "inflammatory flare" I had after the Herminator cell infusion last year. She did say that if it was an infection there, I'd feel more pain, which I don't. So, we're just going to watch it.

I should also note that the area around the chest tumor is more red - and some spots are darker. The physical therapist also saw that it seemed redder. So, there might be inflammation there as well. I noted that it also seems bigger so I tend to think it's acting like the left armpit, which became more inflamed after the Herminator infusion.

I think both signs of inflammation are my body's attempt to fight the cancer with whatever Herminator cells I might have. I think the Tykerb is causing the inflammation. And, that's a good thing. I guess I think that it's my immune system fighting the cancer rather than a bacterial infection because I don't have a fever or feel otherwise sick.

I am feeling very tired even though I got about 7 hours sleep. Probably a combination of lack of sleep over the past week in combination with the diarrhea - lots of diarrhea can lead to fatigue.

I am drinking lots of fluids, though. I don't want to get dehydrated on top of everything else!

One of my grad research assistants stopped by today and brought lunch. We thought we might go out to lunch but with my reluctance to go out in public, she agreed to come over. I gave her some work to do for me.

I made my phone calls except that I couldn't get through to the disability insurance company "We apologize for the wait. We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls." blah blah blah. I was on hold with them twice for 15-20 min before I gave up.

I am hoping I get a good night's sleep tonight and that the Imodium helps because I really want to take Eddie and his cousin to a water park that just opened up north of here. I think it's important to take him out and about. My brother will go with me to help drive and to go into the water with the kids as I am unable to because of the wounds.

I feel much better now. Did things to relieve my anxiety and worry; I have my grad student working on some stuff for me (Thanks, R.!); am doing something about the diarrhea. Thank you for letting me complain. I feel better now then I did. And, thanks, R., for bringing lunch by!

Update - Vaccine Side Effects

I woke up Tuesday morning with more swelling in my lymph nodes in the left arm pit. They'd been painful for a couple of days. I decided to go back to taking Ibuprofen and after a day, the swelling went down to where it was last week.

My sleep had been interrupted with hot flashes, which I attributed to 1) rationing this one Chinese herb I was taking (Blue citrus); and 2) not eating an Anticancer diet. I went back to the normal dose - luckily I saw my acupuncturist yesterday - and have been doing fairly well with the diet: green tea, tofu, curry, veggies, and flaxseed on my cereal.

I had itching at the vaccination site for a couple of days - and the area was red until this morning. It's now almost normal.

I had fatigue on Tuesday and part of the day yesterday - I went to Bunco, though, with an old high school friend and some of her buddies. I won $5! (Well, I won $10, but I chipped $5 into the pot.) That was fun.

Today, I met with an incoming grad student and then we went to lunch with her and my Ph.D. student, and then had a meeting at the Longhouse. So, I didn't get any writing or research done . . . but building and maintaining relationships is a good thing.

This evening, I met with colleagues for a glass of red wine and visiting. That was fun! (Red wine is on the anticancer list!)

Tomorrow, I meet with my Ph.D. student again - then I have a parent-teacher conference with Eddie's teacher, then a faculty meeting, and then a committee meeting. I *hope* I can get some work done. I need to call an elder to schedule a time for an interview.

It was beautiful and 67 today - sunny - and that made it hard to think about working and more conducive to visiting. I had good energy today. I felt normal. The sunshine helped!

Thanks to everyone for being a friend!

A Glorious Day

We had a beautiful day here in the Willamette Valley. It was partly cloudy, but warm! I saw some crocuses blooming today on my way to the office. I'll try to remember to post the picture.



I had my echocardiogram today. The technician had trouble getting a decent angle to get good pictures of my heart. He finally got one, though, although it was a little "off-axis". I watched the monitor sometimes and could see my mitral valve moving as well as the color-enhanced picture that showed blood moving away and blood moving toward the transducer.

This afternoon, we had a meeting with some of the Ph.D. students on advanced anthro theory. I didn't read all the readings - but I did read a few more that were interesting. It was fun to discuss them. Well, not sure if "fun" is the right word, but it was intellectually stimulating.

I paid bills this afternoon and worked on my budget. My taxes were accepted by both the feds and the state. Between the items we've sold on Craigslist, a little more money I'm getting from taxes, more of a reimbursement from insurance for acupuncture, and the honorarium from Victoria, we are able to afford a little vacation getaway next week-end (after paying off a couple of things, of course). Eddie has a five-day week-end, so we're going to Brookings, Oregon, on the southern Oregon Coast. Plus, with mom and dad moving in, we all have a little extra.

Happy week-end!

Living in the Moment .. . Feeling Happy and Loved

Had a quiet evening at home. Watching TV. Blogging. Doing Facebook. Got in touch with an old friend of mine from when I was in 5th and 6th grade. We did have fun together - I think her mom gave me a shag haircut back in the day! : ) (Hmm, maybe I try to find that picture! hahahaha)

I am trying to cultivate living in the moment these past couple of weeks. Trying not to worry too much about the future. Making peace with the ghosts of the past. Enjoying what the day is giving me. Choosing to be happy each day. I think it's working.

Received an email from my Hawaiian friend. My colleague who is now in White Mountain. Drank coffee with colleagues/former students. Had lunch with my Ph.D. student. Gave encouragement to another former student who was feeling guilty about being a working mom.

I'm happy. I'm feeling loved by lots of people. Thank you. You know who you are. If love has anything at all to do with beating this cancer . . . cancer doesn't stand a flippin' chance!! Thank you.

Week-end Update

I keep forgetting to let folks know . . . I saw Dr. Kenyon on Friday and we looked at the CT scan and compared it to the one from April and I indeed saw the larger spots on the lungs.

We actually didn't talk about much. He asked what side effects I experienced on Xeloda and on Tykerb. In the end, he thought that I should go back on the full dose of Tykerb and as much of the Xeloda as is comfortable. I'll get another CT scan in three months. In the meantime, we'll monitor the tumor markers and the lymph node under my left armpit.

I took one Xeloda after lunch every day from Tuesday to Friday. I felt slightly nauseous and slightly dizzy every time, within an hour to two afterwards. I also get moodier - the nauseousness is frustrating. I also got pretty mad at Scott on Thursday night - it was a minor thing but I realized the next day that the anger was misdirected. I am angry about the cancer and there was also a couple of things going on at work that were annoying. Scott, unfortunately, got the brunt of it.

I also do feel more tired on the full dose of Tykerb.

My hot flashes are a bit worse.

So, I decided that I'd give myself a little vacation from Xeloda on the week-ends.

I had a busy day today. Went to the library book sale - Mom found a book called "Spaghetti Eddie" which fits Eddie perfectly - then grocery shopping, then back home and packed up to go to a former student's daughter's three-year birthday party (holy cow - how time flies!), then Scott, Eddie, and I went to the Philomath Frolic. Eddie got to ride the rides - we went into the Fun House with him and then Scott rode the Yo-yo with him twice. It was a bit chilly (high 60s, maybe 70) at the birthday party - it was outside at a park - and then by the time we got to the Frolic, the sun came out and it was quite pleasant.

I meant to invite Eddie's cousin over to stay the night, but time got away from me. By the time we got home to have dinner, I was tired. Scott is tired. So, we're all just taking it easy.

I took Eddie to the pool yesterday. I even got in myself.

I saw my plastic surgeon's wife who is a nurse on Thursday. She gave me another laser treatment to the TRAM flap scar which is kinda thick (about 1/4 inch) and feels like a cord. Then, Friday, I talked to his nurse on Friday about getting a tattoo for the areola/nipple. Basically, everything's healed up enough to do this. So, I may do this in mid to late September . . . I would like to maybe get a tattoo on part of the TRAM flap scar, but they say to wait until about a year after surgery.

So, I've been trying to take it easy - both last night and tonight. I colored mandalas both nights.

The plan is in motion. We'll see what happens next month. Although I don't like taking Xeloda, the fact that I experience side effects means that it's doing something. I choose to believe that it's doing what it's made to do - kill those flippin' cancer cells.

In one week, I'll be in Alaska! Yay! I saw several people who worked with me on the King Island project today and several of us get to go back at the same time. We're all excited! It will be soooo neat to be back among many of my cousins and other relatives! My mom is excited as well.

And, oh yeah, an OSU student that I knew from the Longhouse was at the birthday party today with her little one-year-old boy. I went to his birthday party a few weeks ago . . . and held him a lot and fed him apple cake. The week before his birthday, I got to hold him again during a baby shower. Today, he came right to me - he kept wanting me to get a balloon for him. Later I took him the park. Then, it was time for me to go and the little guy didn't want me to leave! His mom was holding him and then he held his hands out to me and then cried when I didn't take him! He's such a cutie - just adorable, big brown eyes, big eye lashes, and lots of hair.

It's nice to be wanted by such a little cutie! : )

And, I have great students

I've been pretty up front with my students about my metastatic cancer and the fact that I'm going in for reconstruction surgery tomorrow. I'll be out for three weeks - the students will get by with guest speakers, exams, group projects, and films. I have a TA for one of them - Sam - who has graciously agreed to help with the films.

But, I was surprised when the students in my class today all signed a Get Well Soon card for me. It was sweet and so unexpected! Thank you guys!

Yesterday, I met with Maureen, the Mandala Lady and she gave me a 13x13 mandala to color just for answering a few questions about her coloring books. Then, my colleague who is on her way to Cuba gave me a "Celtic Mandala Coloring Kit" yesterday. Way cool!

And, I found out that things look hopeful for a supplemental on the King Island grant, which will help pay for the programming for an interactive web map.

Another cancer blogger - and two more colleagues that I met last May - have all wished me well. My colleagues and their families are all thinking about me.

Cool, eh?

A very good day. Things bode well for tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for thinking of me! That knowledge that you're sending good energy and prayers will be carried into surgery. I'm pretty sure that I'll by just fine! Thank you again!