Coming to Terms

A week or two ago, I was feeling a little sad about the limitations I have been experiencing with regard to playing volleyball and/or doing other activities in the evening. I was mad that I'm having to give up something I enjoy. I resented cancer for taking that away.

I'm trying to let go of that disappointment and sadness. It's sorta like regret for a past action - it's comparing myself now to what myself was a couple of years ago.

A lot of what I'm reading these days, like Deepak Chopra's "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul", Thich Naht Nanh's "The Miracle of Mindfulness", Ernest Holmes's "This Thing Called You", Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love", and Cheryl Richardson's "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace", advise people to learn to live in the moment, to be aware of what you're doing, to be present, etc. Also, in the book "Anticancer" by David Servan-Schreiber, the author states that cancer thrives in an inflammatory "terrain" (that is, your body). He advocates a variety of activities that are designed to counteract the inflammation that cancer likes, which include diet, physical activity, a healthy emotional state, and a peaceful, serene environment.

So, with that in mind, I'm letting go of the disappointment - that emotion doesn't need to stay in my body to increase the inflammation. I decided this morning that I needed to focus instead on the positive and on what really matters, my priorities. At this particular moment, my focus is on my health, my family, and my work.

I'm excited about the things that I'm reading about health and spirituality. I'm trying to incorporate some if not most of the strategies discussed in the books. It's interesting reading and it makes me think about a lot of things. It's not only interesting for my health but also from an anthropological perspective. I can probably use some of what I'm learning for work-related research. The book Anticancer seems to corroborate what the UW immunotherapy trial is trying to do.

I'm also excited about my family: I've enjoyed having my folks and my brother in the house. I never particularly liked living alone and now that they are here and we've adjusted to the new living situation, it's nice. Dad has been doing work on the yard; mom and dad have been cooking (yay!); my brother's around to help with computer stuff and we watch NCIS together. So, projects are underway here - and I finally finally finished grouting my mosaic and I put sealant on it tonight. It may soon be in my yard on the pedestal! Now, on to the next art project: I found out the other day that the Alaska Native Tribal Health Consortium is coordinating a beadwork quilt in which cancer survivors bead squares as part of the design. I think I may work on that. Eddie is also doing well in school; he enjoys having my family around. My parents' dog is sleeping with him, too. He likes that.

And, I finally got my head into work. There's a lot of things going on with my department (mostly good), and several of my projects are moving forward. I still have to work on two particular projects which enabled me to have this term off. But there's been good news - I have a fellowship for next winter that buys me out of two classes - I will use the time to work on a book. I'm excited about my research projects . . . now I just need time to work on them!

In the end, it's a matter of using my energy to heal and to enjoy life. I still enjoy life if I don't play volleyball. Volleyball isn't the only thing enjoyable about life. So, focus on what I can do and what I enjoy and what I'm excited about. It's all good.

Thank you for thoughts and prayers

I got an email last week from my Aunt Nancy saying that she was keeping me in her prayers. Also, when I was in Alaska in July, I found out that Aunt Gemma has my name on the prayer list at St. Joseph's Catholic Church.

I just wanted to thank everyone who is thinking about me and praying for me. I do believe that it helps.

Last spring into summer, I was in the habit of doing some breathing exercises that Andrew Weil talked about in Spontaneous Healing. But I fell out of practice. I'm trying to reincorporate them into my daily life as well as into my pre-sleep routine.

Last night, as I was going to sleep, I imagined breathing in all the good energy and prayers and breathing out the cancer.

I'm reading a book entitled "The Energy Healing Experiments", by Dr. Craig Schwartz (who received money from NIH's division of Complementary and Alternative Medicine to perform certain experiments) and in one experiment, he proved that intention - just the thought of doing something, can be detected. I'll go into it later. My friend, Paula, also had a book entitled "The Sense of Being Stared At", where the author, a biologist, performed rigorous experiments to show that telepathy exists not just among humans but between humans and animals, among other things. The author also talks about intention, for instance, how someone will know or think about someone just before they call on the telephone. This just happened to me last week - I decided to call Brenda up on Wednesday to go somewhere for dinner and when I called, she said, "It's funny. I was just thinking to myself that I hadn't heard from Deanna in awhile" and then you called!

I mention both of these books because I think that intention, visualization, etc., do help. Your thoughts and prayers and intentions for me do help and may be making a difference in terms of my cancer - it's not bad. The numbers are rising, but I'm taking steps to keep them for getting worse.

So, thank you everyone. I really appreciate how often you all think about me and pray for me. Thank you!