Sunday, January 24, 2010

Thoughts About Work

In the last month or so, I've found myself not really wanting to work.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I feel very fortunate to have a job and to be able to (mostly) do what I want to do when I want to do it. I also can't afford to quit my job. I have too many bills - much of my debt, though, piled up when I was on sabbatical two years ago and I used my home equity line of credit to make up the difference. I didn't want to have to worry about finances since I was dealing with the news of a recurrence and then metastases.

Granted, in the last month or so, my life has been unsettled: I wasn't sure what my new treatment would be and then my family moved into my house. Things are finally settling down there, but I find that I can't really get my mind on my job.

Part of the reason for this is that my mind is becoming more and more focused on healing and reading about things of a more spiritual matter. I've been learning more about meditation, qigong and Eastern philosophy.

I've also been reconnecting with people from high school - which has been healing for me in a lot of ways. (Thanks to Facebook!)

I am still interested in my research projects and I hope to finish with a couple of them by spring break. I need to start working on them though!

But it seems that life is steering me in a different direction - a more spiritual direction because I have a feeling that it will be crucial to my healing. I find myself trying to figure out ways to buy myself out of at least half of my classes next year.

So, my goal for the next year or so is to pay down my debt as much as possible.

And, if anyone has any ideas for a writing fellowship of some sort, I'm all ears!


Christine said...

I'm lucky enough to be covered by LTD (long-term-disability) insurance. It's less than I'm used to living on so things are tight, but I feel like my head is in another space and I don't think I'd be very effective at my job now. If I didn't have LTD I'd have to work, even during treatments, because CPP pays $742 a month and my drugs are $625.

flynnster said...

You might try the Lannan Foundation. My Berkeley advisor is there now. They provide a residency fellowship of 1-2 months for writing:

Good luck!


Dee said...

@Christine, I wondered how things worked in Canada. I've considered it, but at the moment, I can't really afford it since it would pay less than what I make. I also am not sure I qualify - because I'm relatively healthy and I have the energy to do my work. My head just isn't in it, as you said.

@Erin, thanks for that info! I'll definitely look into it. Any word yet on the UO job? I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Christine said...

My oncologist said that no insurance company would question an application from someone with confirmed metastatic cancer, but I suspect the US insurance companies may not have the same policies.

I even talked to my insurer and asked if they would be expecting me to go work during times when I'm feeling well and was told no, that they didn't expect me to return to work. I think it's because I'm always going to be on some treatment or another so it would be disruptive for me to go on and off disability.

So it's a bonus that I feel great on the current treatment (Faslodex) and that I'm well enough to enjoy life and do the things I want to do.

Dee said...

That's interesting - and I think at one point, my doctor asked if I wanted to apply and I said no. I still think that I should wait to use it for a time when I really need it . . . as long as I can continue to work, I should! : )