Thinking about My Energy

According to Chinese Medicine, our bodies have energy meridians and the idea of treatment is to encourage the free flow of qi or energy.

I've been seeing an acupuncturist for two years and have learned several qigong forms from her - and qigong is again encouraging the free flow of energy.

In Deepak Chopra's book, "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul", he says that we should think about our bodies, not as material, physical entities, but rather as energy. He also says that our physical bodies are the interface between the material and spiritual worlds.

So, in trying to heal myself of this cancer, I have adopted the viewpoint that I and my body are made of energy and I try to do things that encourage more energy coming into my body so it can fight the cancer and to counteract the depletion of energy that cancer treatment entails.

To some extent, my desire NOT to teach is a reflection of my current goals with regard to my health: teaching takes a significant amount of energy for me because I'm innately shy. It's a performance. Teaching involves me having to be somewhere at specific times each week. I have so many appointments anyway - I am soo soo scheduled - that the thought of having to do ONE more thing each week is exhausting. It takes energy.

But even though I was tired again today (didn't sleep well last night - partly because of the pain from my swollen lymph nodes - I couldn't get comfortable because I think the lymph nodes are pushing on the radial nerve running up my arm and causing a little bit of stinging and pain going up my arm), I went to a reception for this Environmental Humanities initiative because I am really really interested in it and excited about the possibilities that could come of collaborating with colleagues all across campus. I met a lot of these people for the first time back in November and I hoped to get a chance to chat with them again. Interesting people doing fascinating work. I love these kind of brainstorming, interdiscplinary discussions. So, I showed up tired and came home with energy and a good feeling. I told one of my colleagues (who is one of the people spearheading this initiative) about my decision to do FMLA and her reply was that I need to just concentrate on things that give me energy and so I cried a bit and said that that was why I showed up at this reception. She understood. She was happy that I won't have to teach come spring term. And, she told me of another opportunity that could result in giving me energy . . .

So, the reception was a good thing - more net energy came my way, helped along because several of these colleagues know my medical situation and I know that I can count on their support. This is when I love my job.