Thursday, July 9, 2009

I'm Doing Okay . . . Really I Am

No new news today. I meet with Dr. K tomorrow and see what he has to say about the increase in tumor markers and the bigger lung spots.

In the meantime, I'm about up to a full dose of Tykerb again and have been taking a bit of Xeloda each day. Felt some nausea about an hour or so after Xeloda - gak! It's more like an upset stomach, so it's doable.

Other than that, I'm living my life - working, taking care of Eddie, hanging out with Scott, talking about plans for the future, processing conversations with colleagues, sitting on my patio on warm summer evenings, watering plants that I transplanted out there this spring, etc.

It's a good life. Got a good plan for those lung spots. Taking the drugs, but incorporating Renee's suggestion to "love the cancer to death; smother the cancer with love; laugh it to death". Got some work to do but I've started a new conversation with the things - I'm mothering them, soothing them, telling them that they don't need to be angry and wild (i.e., grow out of control) and I've told them, too, that if they keep growing, neither they nor I will be around much longer and that we need to work together, not at odds with each other. My cancer is part of me, you see. All people have cancer cells in them - most of the time, our bodies' immune systems can fight them; but for some reason (or a bunch of reasons), cancer cells in some people grow out of control. So, I'm telling them they don't need to be out of control - much like I comforted Eddie when he threw his (thankfully very few) terrible two tantrums.

I'm okay. Truly I am. I know I have all of your support and love. That helps - I keep telling you all that it helps. I don't want my saying it all the time to lessen the impact of how much I really truly appreciate it. I love ya all! Thank you!


Carver said...

Dee I hope your appointment went as well as possible. You are as ever in my heart and thoughts.

Dee said...

Thank you, Carver! I hope you're having a good week-end.