CT Scan Results .. . OR My six-month "vacation" is over

As you all know, I had a CT scan last week. My doctor, Dr. K, called me with the results this afternoon. After getting the tumor markers yesterday, I wasn't too surprised to hear that the three spots on my left lung are bigger. He did say, however, that after three months time, they could've gotten a lot bigger. But they grew by about half a cm. The good news is that there aren't any other spots.

So, as I said yesterday, I'm going back on a full dose of Tykerb and I even started taking a smaller dose of Xeloda today. I haven't had Xeloda since December and my last full dose of Tykerb was in mid-January, before my surgery. Since April, I've taken about a half-dose of Tykerb (not consistently). So, that little bit of Tykerb probably helped to keep things from growing too much.

It was my little experiment to see if I could go off the meds. My dad called it "Russian Roulette". I found out that I can't. Things aren't really bad. It could be worse. So, I go back on the two meds and see how things go in three months with a new CT scan and I will also have my tumor markers monitored monthly. I probably won't take that chance again. I've got my son to raise, a life to build with Scott, my house to finish, and the Center for Indigenous Sciences to work on!

I was a little depressed yesterday - both from the tumor marker news and from some other things going on - and one of my friends told me that rather than fighting the depression and the envy, I needed to embrace those emotions since they are part of me - my shadow self. By embracing them, they lose their power. She also told me that I should love my cancer to death - not to my death but to the cancer's death. I need to laugh it to death. That requires a reorientation of my thinking but doable, I believe.

In other news, Scott's wallet was taken today - we think perhaps where he goes to massage school as the charges on his debit came from that same neighborhood. They stole about $200 before he discovered it. The bank will give him his money back - insurance covers that - but it might take a couple of days.

My acupuncturist told me that my challenge will be to retreat - start saying no - and make sure to balance all of my do-er/yang energy with yin/relaxing energy. My parent has been telling me to slow down. Scott wanted us to "chill" this week-end. I guess I best do that, huh? : )

So, not great news. Got a plan, though.

Take care, people! Love ya! Thank you all for your support!