Sunday, March 27, 2011

WARNING! Bitch Session

If you don't want to hear (i.e., "read") me bitch and complain, then this isn't a post for you. In fact, I'm already coming out the other side and am tired of the bitching and complaining that's been going on in my head. But I'm gonna bitch and complain anyway because it makes me happy to get it out of my system.

I am so very tired of this wound and growth. It is consistently leaking out - I wake up i the morning, and the dressing is leaking somewhere. The other day it was all over the back of my shoulder. This morning, it was dripping out below. When I woke up at 4:30am (when I took some Tylenol), I put a washcloth there under my arm to catch the drips. It was wet and my pajama shirt was wet, too. It makes me feel ugly.

I'm also tired of the pain. There's both nerve pain and other general pain, including on the implant. The growth is pressing on my implant and I feel pressure there. I can see a couple of veins on the implant, which I assume arose because of the pressure.

Also, last night, the damn thing started bleeding a lot. It was bleeding on the underside of the muffin top, where I had been packing the underside with an AMD drain sponge to catch fluid. I guess the tissue under there degraded enough and it started bleeding. I luckily have this powder that I can put on the bleeding part which forms a layer - it's like it clots the blood and creates a boundary so that the wound won't bleed. I thought I had covered enough of it so I started putting on the rest of the dressing and when I looked a few minutes later, I found that I had dripped four drops of blood on my quilt. GRRRR!

The skin where I attach the clear transparent dressing (which is supposed to keep the fluid in) is getting pretty tender and sore from repeated adhesive on it. It's red, almost like a skinned knee.

I also ran out of this dressing called "Mepiplex Border Lite", which I put first on the wound. This dressing doesn't stick to the wound when you take it off. I called in a reoder on Thurs and hoped that it would get here yesterday, but it didn't. They don't carry this stuff in stores, so I need to get something else (probably Telfa) today. I hope it comes in tomorrow.

To sum up, then, I cannot wait for surgery. Seven months of dressing changes and pain is more than enough. Countdown - 5 days and 9 or 10 dressing changes!!!!!!!!


Joanna said...

Hey Dee,

Do you think anyone on this Earth would not understand why this is really wearing on you? You have been so good tempered about it all, and you have every right to scream and holler.
I think back on having a persistent wound that was bad but not nearly as bad as yours is and I bitched all the time. Is this bitching just starting now? It is long overdue.

Dee said...

Hi Joanna,
Oh no. I've been bitching about the wound pretty regularly at home for the last couple of weeks. Most of the time, I can ignore it when I have the dressing on. But the pain is becoming more persistent, plus I'm tired and have a head cold. Everything is always worse when you're tired and have a head cold.

Joanna said...

It is really difficult to keep a good mood when serum is seeping through a wound dressing and spilling onto one's clothing.

j said...

Wow. I agree with everything you and Joanna said. I can only imagine what that it is like and it is not pleasant. Plus, it just seems so freaking TEDIOUS!!! AND a HEAD COLD?!!! That seems like insult to injury. I wish there was something I could do or say to lighten your load. For what it's worth, I have been sleeping with a good ol' fashioned water bottle these days and am finding it quite the comfort. Doesn't do much for pain and prob won't heal the wound, either. But it is a nice source of comfort in the middle of the night. xoxoxoxo

Dee said...

Joanna and Jeanne, Thank you so much for understanding. Yes, changing the wound is tedious and the head cold sucks. Although this morning, it seems better.

@Jeanne, thank you for the comment abbot "lighten your load". I know you've said that before. I forgot about it until I woke up at 4am this morning. That's when I decided to breathe in everyone's strength and energy and now, after I got up to eat breakfast, I feel mentally and emotionally so much better. So, thank you!