Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Visit with Dr. K and Random Thoughts

I had an appointment with Dr. K. He described my situation as "putting out fires". I can expect to be in real active treatment for six months. So, a couple of weeks after radiation, I will probably add a chemo to the mix to try to keep cancer from cropping up back in the brain.

And, while it's a serious thing that I developed brain tumors, I still don't feel too worried. I guess I still think that I will enter into a kind of stasis where there is no cancer progression but I can live a relatively normal life.

There is a chance that the brain tumors will come back. But we won't go there.

Maybe in July I can get this lump removed from my chest.

The weird thing about all of this is that I am more irritated and want something done about these damn wounds, the chest tumor, and the lymphedema. I would feel fairly normal if not for them. I guess that has something to do with how I look - I want to look normal even if everything isn't quite normal. I am more irritated about them than the brain tumors.

I have been watching lots of TV and see all these "normal" people and get a little envious since they aren't having to deal with what I deal with. But when I think about the people I know, I see them all dealing with something, so I've come to believe that "normality" is an illusion - or rather, that "normal" means that everyone has their cross to bear. I just don't happen to see it - we are so good at covering it up. I just can't cover up my "cross". And, that's okay.

I've gained a pound, I think, since Sunday. It's all the carbs I'm craving because of the acid reflux. Mom bought some acid reducer tabs for me today and they are already helping. Taking steroids in oral form can cause stomach ulcers/acid reflux. So, last night, my tummy was gurgly. I ate crackers and had a diet sierra mist through the night. But now it seems to be settling down.

Okay, I'm rambling. I'm gonna sign off because I'm tired. But I'm doing okay. Got some paperwork done today, recycled stuff I didn't need, took a tour in the yard to see the blooming flowers, so I feel like it was a productive day. I'm still shaky and weak but tonight, I feel like that's gonna improve. I am thinking hard about starting a mosaic. It's hard for me to read but I want to do something creative and productive. A mosaic just might be the ticket.

1 comment:

laurie said...

"I have been watching lots of TV and see all these "normal" people and get a little envious since they aren't having to deal with what I deal with." - oh my friend. can i relate to this. and it's one thing for my brain to be all rational, i still find myself irritated. but you're right. there is no such thing as normal and we have much that is good in our lives. xo