Damn Steroids

I am sleep deprived. I don't think I've had any decent REM sleep for three nights. I think I may have dozed three times last night for about an hour. I think I really only got some real sleep for one hour last night.

Sheesh. When I am up, my eyes feel so heavy. I'll lay down and rest them for awhile. I just tried napping for two hours and didn't get to sleep. So, while I'm laying there, I can't turn off my mind. I wrote this post. I thought about things like house projects. Then my stomach growls and growls and I got to eat.

Sigh.

One decision I made was to not take any steroids today. Or the anti-seizure medication. I figure I will be okay.

I did have one session of whole brain radiation. They say that radiation kills roughly half the cancer cells that are there. So, I assume that at least some of that damn tumor left in my skull is dying. Which means it's not as big which means there isn't as much swelling.

I also feel like I'm already pumped full of steroids - the neurosurgeon thought my dose was too big when I saw him, so I figure, if I can't sleep, they must still be in my system. If they are in my system, they are decreasing the swelling that is there.

Then, there are my symptoms. If the swelling was bad, my fingers would be weaker and/or number. I would be shaky on my feet. I might have headaches and/or nausea. But in fact, no headache or no nausea. (I don't want to throw up. My stomach gets gurgly and I just want to settle it with crackers or food. I don't get heartburn either. Just a bit unsettled.) My two right fingers (index and middle) are numb but are less numb than when I got home. I am fairly steady on my feet. So, hardly any bad symptoms.

So, no need for the meds, I think. I need sleep more. I won't take them today and hope to high-hell that I get at least a few-hour stretch of sleep sometime in the next 24 hours.

Don't worry. I will closely monitor myself over the next couple of days. If I start getting any hint of weakness or headache or nausea, I'll take the damn steroid. But surgery is in just 3 days. I think I'll be okay. : )