Thursday, December 3, 2009

Trash talk - OSU/UO Civil War Game for the Rose Bowl

Normally, I'm not a huge college or professional football fan. It makes me mad that athletics is valued over education in this country. But that's my opinion - and I'm an educator.

And, even though there are monetary considerations in the OSU/UO Civil War Game, there are still some vestiges of winning for the sake of winning - for the sport of it not just the money that I like. I'm not explaining myself well; suffice it to say that I think it's fun to root for the OSU Beavers over the UO Ducks in the Civil War.

To that end, I share some trash talk:

Why do U of O graduates put their diploma on the car dashboard? So they can park in the handicap spots!

Beaver in the car - Duck in the trunk!

And, there's a few more, courtesy of Beaver

How do you get to UofO from OSU?
Head south until you smell it and east until you step in it.

Two Duck fans were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Duck fan said, "Those are deer tracks." The second Duck fan said, "No. They're two big to be deer tracks. They must be elk tracks." As they were arguing back and forth they got hit by the train.

Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the Cougar hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for WSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Husky threw himself off the mountain,proclaiming "This is for U of W!". Seeing this, the Beaver walked over and shouted "This is for everyone!", and pushed the Duck off the side of the mountain.

Seems that a Duck was driving North from Eugene at the same time a Beaver was driving South from Corvallis and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on I-5. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage...their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly Ducky to be alive. The Duck said, "This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time." The Beaver agreed...he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. "This is truly remarkable," he said, "God must want us to toast our new-found friendship." He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the Duck, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Beaver replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. "Aren't you going to celebrate our Duck?" asked the Duck. Nah, I thing I'll just wait for the troopers to get here"

Mike Billotti passes away and is met in heaven by God himself. Upon speaking with Mike, God shows him around heaven and eventually leads Mike to his new home, a humble abode painted yellow with green trim and with a small UO flag over the door.

Feeling special, Mike begins to smile humbly but not before looking up the road to a marble mansion on the hill. Huge black and orange flags decorate the brick laid driveway leading up to the golden gates and enormous trees garner the landscape draped with OSU banners. Hanging over the European doors is a massive OSU flag hanging from a golden flag pole.

Distressed and upset Mike asks "Why does Dennis Erickson have such a beautiful house while I'm stuck with this shack?"

In all his wisdom and kindness, God smiles gently and politely answer back, "Don't fret Mike, the house isn't Erickson's, it's mine."

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Oregon Duck. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Ducks too. No one really knowing what an Oregon Duck was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Duck." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you? "Why, I'm a proud Oregon State Beaver," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Beavers, so I'm a Beaver too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. Would you be a moron too?" A pause, and a smile. "No, then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Duck!"

Just some neighborly trash talk! Hee hee.

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