Time to Kick Ass!

Actually, tomorrow is the day when I start kicking cancer's ass with the two drugs, Xeloda and Tykerb. They were delivered yesterday, in a cardboard box, hidden behind the bushes next to my front door. I wondered if they would try to hide it somehow because there are at least several thousand dollars worth of chemo drugs in that box! Scary to think about how expensive they are. Tykerb is about $23/pill, at five pills/day, x 30 days/month. I don't know how much Xeloda is, maybe not as much, but still there's over $3000 there. More than what's in my bank account, that's for sure!

I'm waiting until tomorrow to start the drugs because Xeloda is taken two weeks on and then a week off. It'll be easier to remember if I start on a Sunday - that's what I did with birth control pills for years, so it seems the logical day. I decided to say, "Time to Kick Ass!" for today's title, though, to help me adjust my own thinking about the drugs. While I want to start the damn meds so I can watch the cancer on my skin disappear, I have been anxious, too, because I fear the side effects. Two of the women I'm in touch with, Jeanne at www.assertivepatient.com, and Liz at www.lizkreger.com, are doing okay on the drugs. They are living more or less normal lives with some minimal side effects.

I just decided a few minutes ago, though, that it'll all go better for me if I take those pills as if I were swinging around a sword or bludgeoning the cancer with a huge mallet, instead of dreading putting them into my mouth. There is a purpose, after all, and it's to rid my body of this stubborn, goddamn shit that won't leave my body.

I'd been imagining my in-breath as a huge vacuum cleaner swallowing up the cancer on my skin and then breathing it out. While it seems to have worked some because the red rash hasn't spread, it's not going fast enough. Time to bludgeon it, right? Right!! So, it's attitude adjustment day!