Anxiety again

The pharmacy in Portland called me this afternoon and told me that insurance agreed to cover the drugs, Xeloda and Tykerb. The good news is that it's only going to be $15/month for each one. I read from Jeanne Sather's blog that Tykerb costs $23/pill; you take 5 pills per day, for a total of over $3,000/month. So, it's a bargain for me, comparatively speaking. Then, insurance called me to say that they needed prior authorization from me to talk to the pharmacy? Or something like that? Anyway, insurance said that the pharmacy agreed to reduce the cost of Tykerb. Forgive my cynicism, but when each of them are saying positive things about the other - the pharmacy agreeing to take a cut and then insurance only insisting on a $15/month fee? I'm suspicious, but in the meantime, I can enjoy a relatively inexpensive treatment.

But that does mean I'm starting to get anxious because I really don't know how my body's going to react to these drugs. Most women tolerate it and the side effects are relatively easy to live with. Each person reacts to the chemo differently. Another thing to consider is that, before, someone else administered the drugs via IV, I just had to show up. This time, I'm giving them to myself.

Another difference is that before, the cancer was hidden from my view; now I can see it on what's left of my right breast. I guess I'll be able to take pleasure in the fact that it disappears once I start taking the drugs.

I'm bushed. It's been an emotional couple of weeks and I'm feeling it in my shoulders, my neck, and my lower back. Where's a good masseuse when you need one? : )