Coughing and anxiety

Hello again,
It's been a tougher week than expected. I caught a cold while in Fairbanks - it was mostly just a cough. It started to get better last week, only to get worse again on Sunday, after my party. Because of the cough, I decided to cancel my trip to Washington DC to attend meetings at the National Science Foundation. I asked around and people reported that they might actually delay surgery if I'm not completely healthy. Thankfully, NSF very graciously told me that this was the right decision to make - and I'm very appreciative of their understanding. It's allowed me to rest while taking care of some minor tasks around the house.

The cough is frustrating - I hate having a cold and feeling tired! The last couple of days, I've started to feel some anxiety about the upcoming surgery - my heart starts beating a little faster and my breathing becomes shallower. To counteract it, I'm taking deeper breaths, but it's hard to completely relax because I'm both worried about the surgery and worried that it might not happen if I don't get better. And, my anxiety probably doesn't help me get over the damn cold!

I did participate in a teleconference for some of that NSF meeting and I must admit that I enjoyed it (although my neck and hand got tired of holding the handset to my ear!) and furthermore, it was a nice distraction. I didn't have any anxiety the whole time I was listening in on the meeting or making some comments. So, this makes me think that I need distractions to keep my mind off of things. Part of the reason why I enjoy these meetings is that I do think that NSF takes suggestions that I might make seriously - in contrast to what goes on sometimes at OSU. There are some things here at OSU where it seems like my opinion doesn't matter - mind you, it's not everything because there are situations at OSU where my opinion did help. Anyway, the teleconference was a welcomwe distraction. So, I guess this means I need more distractions!

Tomorrow, I meet with the surgeon, Dr. Faddis, to talk with him about what will happen next week. If there is anything new to report, I'll write another post! Take care. Love, Dee