15+ hours and counting!

Well, I didn't expect to write another post, but here I am. I found out today that my surgery, originally scheduled for 10:30am, has been pushed back to 11:45am. The good news is that I don't have to report to the hospital until about 8am. The bad news is that I'll already be hungry! Darnit! I had a massage this afternoon and I am feeling pretty relaxed and also tired. Hopefully, I'll get a good night's sleep. Oh yeah, I ran into a colleague of mine that I haven't seen for awhile. Maria Olaya originally gave me a "tagua" - it looks like a rock, but it's actually a seed pod. A shaman in Columbia gave it healing properties and the first time I went through breast cancer treatments, she gave it to me - it had been painted or dyed blue, my favorite color! Anyway, I brought it out a few days ago and was thinking of her, so it was really cool to have bumped into her again.

I probably won't get another post in until early next week. Visiting hours at the hospital are 11am to 8pm. I expect to be home Sunday afternoon. Next time I see you all, I will no longer have my original breasts. Instead, I will have tissue expanders for awhile. They may look a little strange - supposedly, they place them a little higher on one's chest (and I forgot the reason why). Also, after a few weeks, I will start the process of expanding the tissue . . . so people may notice weekly changes! Just thought I'd prepare you all . . . : )

Many of you called and/or emailed me today to wish me the best and I wanted to thank you all again. With all of your thoughts, prayers, and positive energy being sent my way, I'm sure I'll sail through it all!
Love,
Dee

Countdown

Hi everyone,
As of this writing, I will be in the hospital in 24 hours! Yikes. I'm doing okay, though, considering. Yesterday, I began to feel afraid while I was in the shower. Then, I employed the techniques given to me by Linda Gelbrecht, and which had been reinforced by my counselor on Tuesday. It involves deep breathing and imagining relaxing scenes. And, it helped. I didn't feel anxious or even tense the whole rest of the day. So, you can bet that I will employ that throughout my day today.

Other than that, there's nothing new to report. Now, I'm just looking forward to getting this thing over with. I also want to thank everyone again for bringing jokes, for your humor, and for all the gifts that I've received! And, oh yeah, for volunteering to deliver dinner! At the moment, dinners will be delivered from Nov 18 to Dec 8 . . . it looks like I'll be gaining weight after surgery! So far, I know that on Nov 18, Sunil will bring over a chicken curry dish, and they hope to make nan - which I love! And, Court said that he's planning to bring his broasted salmon on Nov 20. Lucky me!! So, thank you all again!
Dee

A day of running around

Hello everyone,
So, today was a day when I seemed to be talking and thinking about my upcoming surgery all day. I met with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Havard. We talked about what to expect with this upcoming surgery and reconstruction and he answered some lingering questions I had. Scott wanted me to ask whether or not my coughing would hurt the stitches and while I should be careful, coughing usually originates from your abdomen. We also, I think, made sure that the left nipple was not taken so that it could be used in reconstruction later. He also said that he would be injecting 50 cc's of saline into the temporary implants (aka "tissue expanders") once a week for probably a couple of months and that most people usually tolerate that fairly well. We will have to see how the radiated right side responds and whether or not there's too much scar tissue. Then, he measured me so that he can get the right tissue expander in there. Then, I was sent to the hospital to go through the preregistration process and then I met with a nurse (Gail) from Short Stay to do a pre-interview - making sure all my reports were there, how I reacted to anesthesia and other meds in the past, etc. and then she drew my blood as they needed recent blood work.

At that point, it was lunchtime, so I ate lunch there in the cafeteria and ran into a nurse, Jennifer, who administered one of my chemo treatments five years ago. My sister ran into her at work a couple of weeks ago and Jennifer just wanted to tell me that she was thinking of me and hoped I was doing okay. Of all the times I had a needle stuck in me through both of these cancers, I have to admit that Jennifer was the absolute best - I never felt the needle at all. It was nice to run into her, especially since she remembers me.

Then, I chatted with my office manager, Karen Mills, who will be coordinating my dinner delivery schedule. If you are so inclined, contact her if you want to make dinner. I don't cook, so at the moment, since I'll be home-bound for a couple of weeks, dinners will be most appreciated.

After volunteering in Eddie's classroom, I met with Linda Gelbrecht at the Heartspring Wellness Center. I'd worked with her previously on visualization techniques. I caught her up on all that was going on in my life and then she helped me come up with a little routine I can use to help me decrease my anxiety and to maybe help my body bring in healing energy through surgery and my recovery. At the end of the session, I was pretty relaxed. Now the trick will be to remember to do that routine over the next few weeks. In other words, it was pretty useful since I have had a few little anxiety attacks the past few days.

Well, thanks for tuning in. A friend and colleague observed that this blog probably benefits me as well as all of you who are reading it and I have to admit that I do benefit from it. Not only does it save me time in that I can keep a lot of people updated, but it also helps me to unload some of my feelings as I go through this process. Anyway, I'll try not to get into it too much (I mean, I don't need to report what I had for lunch, now, do I?). I do appreciate you reading it, though! Hope you're all having a good day!
Dee

Some anxiety relief

Hello again,
So, I met with my surgeon, Dr. Faddis, today. First, he said that he didn't think that the surgery would be postponed because of my cough, so that was a bit of a relief to hear. Second, although most of the books state that I may not have any sensation post-surgery, he thought that after a few weeks, some sensation does come back, although he wasn't sure if it would for the reconstructed nipple, but perhaps for the other one. So, that means, ahem, that that might mean I have one headlight out, if you get my drift!! Also, for my friends who are in law enforcement, I will be carrying a note from my doctor stating that I shouldn't wear the shoulder belt in the car after surgery - so don't pull me over and give me a ticket! : ) I can't remember what else we discussed, but I see my plastic surgeon on Monday, so if any inquiring minds out there want to know something, let me know and I will ask it! Have a good week-end, everyone!
Deanna

Coughing and anxiety

Hello again,
It's been a tougher week than expected. I caught a cold while in Fairbanks - it was mostly just a cough. It started to get better last week, only to get worse again on Sunday, after my party. Because of the cough, I decided to cancel my trip to Washington DC to attend meetings at the National Science Foundation. I asked around and people reported that they might actually delay surgery if I'm not completely healthy. Thankfully, NSF very graciously told me that this was the right decision to make - and I'm very appreciative of their understanding. It's allowed me to rest while taking care of some minor tasks around the house.

The cough is frustrating - I hate having a cold and feeling tired! The last couple of days, I've started to feel some anxiety about the upcoming surgery - my heart starts beating a little faster and my breathing becomes shallower. To counteract it, I'm taking deeper breaths, but it's hard to completely relax because I'm both worried about the surgery and worried that it might not happen if I don't get better. And, my anxiety probably doesn't help me get over the damn cold!

I did participate in a teleconference for some of that NSF meeting and I must admit that I enjoyed it (although my neck and hand got tired of holding the handset to my ear!) and furthermore, it was a nice distraction. I didn't have any anxiety the whole time I was listening in on the meeting or making some comments. So, this makes me think that I need distractions to keep my mind off of things. Part of the reason why I enjoy these meetings is that I do think that NSF takes suggestions that I might make seriously - in contrast to what goes on sometimes at OSU. There are some things here at OSU where it seems like my opinion doesn't matter - mind you, it's not everything because there are situations at OSU where my opinion did help. Anyway, the teleconference was a welcomwe distraction. So, I guess this means I need more distractions!

Tomorrow, I meet with the surgeon, Dr. Faddis, to talk with him about what will happen next week. If there is anything new to report, I'll write another post! Take care. Love, Dee

Another huge thanks!

First of all, I want to thank everyone who was able to come to my "Boob Ball"! There was a lot of laughter, good food, and good company! I think I may have surprised a lot of people with my balloon activity: I bought pink balloons and asked everyone to blow a balloon up to the size they think I should be after reconstruction! Afterwards, I asked people to put an "f" on the balloon if they were female and an "m" if they were male. The results of my gender study: 3 males and 5 females thought I should be "large" (i.e., DD cup or larger); 5 females and 4 males thought I should be "medium" (i.e., C or D) and 8 females and 3 males thought I should be small (i.e., A or B). So, while I thought I could predict that more males would want me to be larger, there were actually more females: one of my female guests said that she blew her balloon up large because she always wanted to be bigger! So, there you go.

Okay, in terms of the three contests, the winners are: Allison Davis-Whiteeyes won the prize for the best "boob food" - a cake made to look like boobs! Courtney Everson won the prize for the best visual joke - a cartoon. And, Scott Harms won the prize for the best word joke. I will try to learn how to post photos of the cake and the visual joke and the word joke tomorrow. Again, a big thanks to everyone who was here. It was really a great time and I think the memories of the party will sustain me through and after surgery!

And, again, I wanted to thank everyone who read the blog and even if you couldn't be here, your spirits were and for that I thank you, too!

This week will be kinda busy. I have some appointments Mon and Tues and I will give a lecture to the OSU Folk Club on Monday evening. Then, Wed to Fri, I will be in Washington DC attending some meetings at the National Science Foundation. Then, I'll be home a week before surgery on Nov 16, discharge from the hospital may be Nov 18 and I will be home just four days before Thanksgiving.

Thank you, too, for all the jokes! I read a lot of them, but will probably take the time to read the rest in the next couple of days. Thanks again!

A big thanks to everyone!

Hello again,
I just wanted to let you all know that I appreciate you all taking the time to read the blog! I am grateful for your posts and your wishes, prayers and blessings. I think perhaps that they are making a difference because I have felt less tension in my shoulders and my tension headaches and clenched jaw seem to have gone away. In other words, I am feeling more relaxed and centered. (Or maybe it was that massage I had the other day! LOL) No, seriously, I appreciate all that you're doing for me so far .. . it's helping me feel less anxious about the surgery.

Several of you have contacted me to say you can't make it to the party and I wanted to tell you that I completely understand . . . no problem! And, for those of you who said you can make it, cool! I think it's going to be fun. One person I saw last night said they've already made something for the party . . .

Again, thank you! And, we'll see you soon!