It was a good day . . . A good day indeed!

Today was absolutely beautiful in the valley. And I felt good. I had at least 7.5 hours of sleep AND I didn't have diarrhea - thanks to the Immodium. So I had plenty of energy to take Eddie and his cousin - excuse me, I didn't take Eddie, but I joined my son and nephew to the new water park, Wings and Waves, located about an hour north of here. My brother Scott actually drove and supervised the boys since I couldn't go in the water because of my wounds.

I will say that I think ALL the boys had fun. I think my brother surprised himself. I enjoyed watching them, although at times, I was too hot. But it was worth it to see the smiles and to watch all three guys so active.

I actually wrote about 800 words on an article that is due July 1. I am only about 25% done, but it was a great start. The hard part will come next as I need to research some information.

I also worked on some puzzles.

Two strangers asked me about my compression wrap. I just replied, "They took some lymph nodes, so now there is swelling. This wrap is trying to get rid of the swelling." then I didn't volunteer any more info. One man was a Viet Nam vet and his arm was very scarred misshapen. The other man said his wife broke both her arms in three months. I just smiled and said I hoped things were better now.

We came home to a cooked meal - thanks, mom!

I am now officially tired, but it is a good tired from having gone out today. It feels good!

Anxiety leads to less sleep . . . but the day is ending on a good note

I started Tykerb today. I've had it before with hardly any side effects - a tad bit of diarrhea until my body gets used to it. Some white zits on the face, but otherwise, I tolerate it well. But I wasn't sure how it was going to interact with the anti-seizure medicine (which also, coincidentally, has diarrhea as a side effect).

Before bed and throughout the night, I was anxious about taking it. I want to take it so I can start taking care of any cancer cells in my noggin - and in my skin - but anxious about potential drug interactions.

I was also anxious about my decision to do the surgery next week, not sure that I was really making the right decision.

As a consequence, I only got about 4-5 hours sleep. I was tired all morning. I took Ed to school anyway and then got the oil changed in my car. But I did have some diarrhea and felt a little shaky as a result.

Then on my way home, I got a call from Eddie at school - he apparently needed something I thought was already graded and I put it away, so I had to run it to his school.

Then I saw the radiation oncologist. I was so tired and anxious that I admit to being weepy with both the radiation nurse and the radiation oncologist. The nurse said that my weepiness was to be expected and that my anxiety was warranted. But she also added that I did look really well, under the circumstances. My heart rate was still high as was my blood pressure - either still getting the steroids out of my system and/or withdrawing from them. She was very reassuring.

The radiation oncologist came in - and either she or the nurse (I can't remember now) - and they said that at their morning staff meeting, my name was mentioned and I guess it was generally agreed that I had made the right decision to do surgery next week. She understood the reasons - especially that the damn tumor was so visible to my own eyes and she said she might make the same decision to do the surgery so she wouldn't have to look at it anymore. She also said that I was "strong-minded" and that was what a lot of people admired about me and how I take charge of my own care.

I told her about the research I found about brain mets - that people who stay on Herceptin actually survive fairly long after a diagnosis of brain mets as long as the cancer is controlled below the neck.

She was also happy that I chose to take Tykerb for its preventive effect on the brain. I will be able to stay on Tykerb through the surgery. She was going to check and make sure that I could stay on it through radiation.

After some discussion, we decided on 14 more treatments of radiation as she can deliver a smaller dose. If I were to only do 9 or 10 sessions, they'd have to do a larger dose, but research has shown that there can be some cognitive defects in the long -term (years later) and since the research shows that it is possible that I will be alive a longer time than Dr. K said I might, she wanted to opt for the smaller dose. She also assured me that everyone admired how I continued to live my life - doing fun things and working and all - with everything I've been through.

I won't be prescribed steroids unless I start getting nausea or other symptoms that indicate that there is increased swelling. YAY!

We decided that we'd start the Monday after the surgery - beginning June 27 - and doing 14 treatments. Just in time for us to go to the coast the next week, where I can recuperate.

So, I get another week to recuperate from everything that has happened thus far and adjust to taking Tykerb (I see more yogurt in my future), then surgery, and four days later, I start radiation. Three weeks of that and then a week at the coast.

I received hugs from the nurse - I think the doctor, too - and one of the radiation techs. The doctor's son is the same age as my son and we talked about how both boys have recently discovered laser tag. I told everyone we were taking my son to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate his last day of school. Eddie and I have gone there the last 2 or 3 years and now, as Eddie says, it's "tradition", so he really wanted to go.

But since I don't quite trust myself to drive long distances on my own, I invited mom and dad to go with me. They went to the mall and shopped a bit, while I read a book ("Water for Elephants" that I borrowed from my colleague, B.), and Eddie used all his tokens. A huge thank you to dad for driving. I think it was nice for all of us to have a change in scenery.

On the way home, Dr. K's office called, but didn't leave a message. So, I called back. The nurse called me back later and we finally figured out that they wanted to tell me the results of the echocardiogram from the other day. I was nervous that there was something wrong and I'd have to go off Herceptin or something.

The news? Everything is within normal limits. My heart is fine - my ejection fraction was within normal limits. The high heart rate and blood pressure is probably more due to the steroids than anything else.

Whew. Thank goodness SOMETHING is normal. Given everything else that's happened, normal is good. It's very very good.

I should have a good night's sleep tonight as all that I worried about last night is okay. Only some diarrhea (which I will get under control), my decision to have surgery was sound, and my heart is fine. And, Eddie and I got to carry on "tradition" with my parents' help.

Thank you, everyone, for continuing to keep me in your thoughts, prayers, etc. I very much appreciate it. I am good.

Wow. What a Difference!

I took Benadryl last night to sleep, but it was really fitful. I ended up looking at the clock every so often. So, out of frustration because I thought I'd feel as tired today as yesterday, I took an Ambien at 1:50. Then I slept until 5, then dozed off and on until about 6:30pm.

I must've got more sleep than I thought because I've had a great day. I don't really feel that tired or even groggy.

So, now I think the grogginess was due to me having a beer at my friend's graduation party. I think I'll avoid alcohol while I'm on the anti-seizure medication. It doesn't say to avoid it, but now that it's out of my system, I feel okay today. (Yes, dad, I know you'd rather I not drink at all.) So, alcohol only for special occasions this summer.

What did I do today? I stayed home most of the day. I took Ed to school, then went to the co-op to pick up a facial cleanser (something causing my face to break out) and I saw a friend and visited with her and her two kiddos.

I came home, got my checkbook caught up, paid a bill, made some appointments, cleaned my little 1/2 bathroom (I might have a leaky sink - crap), then finally cleaned up myself, then worked for a couple of hours on my blog analysis, picked up Eddie, then got a pedicure.

My tummy felt a little off today here and there, so it's still recovering from the steroids.

After my first surgery on April 1, I ended up losing weight - from about 142 to 134 pounds. When I left the hospital after my third surgery, I was 134. I weighed about 138 on Friday - thanks to the steroids and eating carbs like crazy and probably some water retention. I had wanted to get below 140 for a long time, so I'm going to try to stay right where I'm at. I am attempting to get back to a better diet, but I still want sweet chewy candy. I think about those almond-paste croissants from Le Patisserie, but as sugar feeds cancer, I am trying my best to avoid them. I start adding flaxseed to my cereal again, too. Now, to begin drinking green tea. I really need to readopt an anticancer diet.

I'm good. I don't feel like lying down. I'm watching Ed play his wii. It's a good evening and a good day. I feel like I should be doing something . . . who knows, maybe start gluing the new mosaic design? If truth be told, I want to get back to that blog analysis. : )

Tomorrow will be busy; two appointments in the am (wound care and physical therapy), then hanging out with Eddie during his school's field trip, then I have an echogram afterwards, then Eddie's school play at 6:30. Eddie is the "producer" for American Ideal (a Christian knock-off of American Idol). Let's hope I get even more sleep tonight. I think I will. My heart rate seems to have slowed down more to normal.

A Good Day and an Interesting Observation

Yesterday afternoon, I began work on edits on my chapter on the Inupiaq and Yup'ik view of Alaska statehood. An editor, who really doesn't know anything about Alaska or Alaska Natives, had over 30 comments she wanted me to address. When I got into them, I didn't realize how detailed some were going to be, so I needed to look up additional information. While it took longer, I think it made the piece clearer, especially for non-Alaska experts. But some comments were ridiculous and I would have to say " No, I am not going to add Nything on this because it will detract from the main point". The rest of the comments were just tedious edits. So a job I thought would take 2-3 hours took about 7 hours instead.

Gak! No wonder I hate editing. But it was needed and the chapter is better for it. I finished it after lunch.I am so glad that I was able tom finish it!

Then I went to my friend's graduation party and hung out with them for 4 hours. It was visiting with them all. I even had my first beer in almost three months. Wasn't sure if I could but it was enjoyable. Oh, yeah. It was an Alaskan Amber, one of my favorites like Fat Tire Amber. We sat in lounge chairs on their porch, had a barbecue burger and lots of veggies. Then watched a few people play horseshoes while I sat in the sun. It was a relaxing time. No pressure to be "on". Just chat when I felt like it and observe my friends and their family (lots of kiddos, like 10 or more) when I didn't have much to say. Regaled them some with news of my surgeries and talked about next steps. Several are nurses or work in hospitals so Imlet them see my surgery scars on my scalp.

As for the interesting observation: I noticed the other day that the I was able to move the chest tumor a little side to side. I hadn't been able to do that before as it seemed solidly attached. Today, it was even looser. In other words, I think it is becoming less attached to structures underneath.

I think that it is a good thing.

I am going to try to see my local surgeon and see if we can't get the damn thing taken off. I want to be free of any visible tumors, so I can get to the business of keeping any more from cropping up. It is crazy to be considering another surgery perhaps even in the next couple of weeks, but for some reason, the thought of being tumor free is rather appealing. I just don't think any kind of chemo will shrink it. I should also say it isn't growing, either. It is a pain, though.

Mosaic today

I had a relatively low-key day today. I woke up shaky and with some diarrhea, but within a couple of hours, The shakiness disappeared. I was tired all day, though, as I had only 2-3 hours sleep.

I worked mostly on grouting and placing tiles on my design. I will try to post pics when I can.

Eddie had a tough day at school today. I wonder just how much of his problem is due to what's going on with me. He is why I need to be around for years to come, to help him through days like this as he feels like I am the only one he can talk to about days like today.

Tomorrow, I have therapy - will probably talk about what Dr. K said. Then I get this bandage off my head - yay! My head is really starting to itch! Then Uncle Alex and Aunt Nancy will be done for a visit.

No other real news, other than I get Herceptin and Zometa on Friday.

Camp Cot in the Sun

I spent about an hour this afternoon, laying on a camp cot in the sun in my backyard while Eddie played in the water and in his mud pit. It was the first decent day in a long time - for me anyway.

It was relaxing. I was tired and needed to close my eyes for a bit.

I had a productive morning and afternoon. Since I have to wear this silly white bandage for a week, I decided I wanted to to decorate it somehow. I could wear scarves, I suppose, but it's going to be hot this weekend (in the 80's) and couldn't bear to think how much hotter that might make my head. I finally figured out a way to take this paper tape I had (which I had been using for wounds) and color strips in a colorful pattern. Then, I took strips of the tape and put it over the white bandage I went home with yesterday.

It turned out fairly well, even if I do say so myself. I'll try to post pics tomorrow.

I tried to talk to someone at the disability insurance company but it turns out that my claims person was out today. I did find out, however, that they didn't have the paperwork from my doctor. So, I called his office to FAX the paperwork. I *think* that the records person accidentally sent me the copy meant for insurance since I ended up with two copies, so I brought it back to my doctor and they will FAX it today.

I also had to get some wound care dressings for the weakened.

I paid some bills.

I thought I found a house at the coast to rent in July, but they wanted us to rent it for a week minimum. Can't afford that, so now I need to do some more searching. Maybe tomorrow.

A friend came to visit - she ate dinner with us. Thanks, B!

Four more days of steroids. My mouth and tongue are tender. I can't eat anything spicy. I swish with Nistatin and then swallow to help keep away fungal infections. I also swish with aloe vera juice as that seems to help, too. My tummy sometimes feels gurgly so I eat crackers. My other craving is mini chocolate donuts. I don't like my tummy to get empty as it bothers me more then.

My right two fingers feel numb. Sometimes, there's a bit along the side of my right thumb does too. That should go away over time.

No big plans tomorrow except maybe to get a little wading pool for Eddie and his play in the backyard. Maybe some more summer shirts that I can wear.

Surgery Tomorrow and Other News of Today

I was actually quite busy today. I went into my office to pick up some files - I needed to contact some people about various things I said I would do this summer and either notify them I would be late or I would just not do them. But with over 3,000 emails in my inbox and not remembering when or who I was in contact with, I needed my hard copy sheets so I could follow up with them.

I also made a few phone calls about things like summer salary, disability, FMLA, insurance, etc. I need to figure out what my options are, how much to save, etc. I have a post about that, so I won't go into it here.

I also had to have my blood drawn and go see the wound care nurse. I forgot to mention that there are two smaller areas where the skin is almost all the way grown over near the bottom. In other words, almost all healed. The other larger area, up under the pit, is now about 6x3.5cm (she thought it was 5x4cm last week, but it's in an area that's hard to measure; seven days ago, it was 8x6cm. So, it's growing in nicely. It's not draining as much so less dressings. Maybe another 2-3 weeks.

I went with dad to pick Ed up from school and we ran an errand before we came home.

My colleague, M, and her husband and daughter stopped by and brought dinner and visited. It was a good visit. Thanks, M, for dinner!

I didn't take a steroid today. I took one yesterday and felt like my heart was racy and I was shaky all day. Yuck! I hardly have any numbness in my fingers, so I figure that's a good sign that there isn't much swelling. No head or nausea, either. I'll let the surgeon know that I didn't take steroids . . . I don't think it will make much of a difference. I hope that I won't have to take it afterwards, but if I do, maybe I can talk them into a smaller dose.

It seems a bit surreal to me that I head to surgery in less than 12 hours. I mean, they're opening up my head. I have reminded myself that the surgeon has already done this to me once and I was okay. This surgery is less risky and will only be 2 hours rather than 3. So, I should be okay. The radiation oncologist was surprised that I was having another surgery - this whole idea about standard of care in situations of 2 or more tumors in the brain usually means that there are cancer cells running around all over in there, so the treatment is radiation. If there is just one tumor, then surgery and radiation. When I told her that the surgeon said that I was now in the latter category and wanted to do the surgery, she said that that wasn't maybe technically correct and then she asked if my own oncologist knew what I had decided. I told her he was on vacation and didn't know. I think she's a little surprised that I would just make a decision without consulting and talking to a few docs - I might've passed the idea by Dr. K but I knew he was on vacation. So, I made the best decision I could at the time. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner we can get the thing out, the better. Then I can get to healing elsewhere instead of waiting to see if radiation worked.

Visit with Dr. K and Random Thoughts

I had an appointment with Dr. K. He described my situation as "putting out fires". I can expect to be in real active treatment for six months. So, a couple of weeks after radiation, I will probably add a chemo to the mix to try to keep cancer from cropping up back in the brain.

And, while it's a serious thing that I developed brain tumors, I still don't feel too worried. I guess I still think that I will enter into a kind of stasis where there is no cancer progression but I can live a relatively normal life.

There is a chance that the brain tumors will come back. But we won't go there.

Maybe in July I can get this lump removed from my chest.

The weird thing about all of this is that I am more irritated and want something done about these damn wounds, the chest tumor, and the lymphedema. I would feel fairly normal if not for them. I guess that has something to do with how I look - I want to look normal even if everything isn't quite normal. I am more irritated about them than the brain tumors.

I have been watching lots of TV and see all these "normal" people and get a little envious since they aren't having to deal with what I deal with. But when I think about the people I know, I see them all dealing with something, so I've come to believe that "normality" is an illusion - or rather, that "normal" means that everyone has their cross to bear. I just don't happen to see it - we are so good at covering it up. I just can't cover up my "cross". And, that's okay.

I've gained a pound, I think, since Sunday. It's all the carbs I'm craving because of the acid reflux. Mom bought some acid reducer tabs for me today and they are already helping. Taking steroids in oral form can cause stomach ulcers/acid reflux. So, last night, my tummy was gurgly. I ate crackers and had a diet sierra mist through the night. But now it seems to be settling down.

Okay, I'm rambling. I'm gonna sign off because I'm tired. But I'm doing okay. Got some paperwork done today, recycled stuff I didn't need, took a tour in the yard to see the blooming flowers, so I feel like it was a productive day. I'm still shaky and weak but tonight, I feel like that's gonna improve. I am thinking hard about starting a mosaic. It's hard for me to read but I want to do something creative and productive. A mosaic just might be the ticket.

A Good Couple of Days

On Sunday, I used a LePatisserie gift certificate, given to me by a friend and colleague, to buy some yummy treats that I (and my family) snacked on all day. We had a croissant, an almond croissant, a "ganache", and a mixed fruit tart. YUM! I think the sugar, though, woke me up every couple of hours that night. Most of the day was spent doing a little cleaning around my room (filing away papers) and I ran some errands with mom. Plus, I watched some Harry Potter movies.

On Monday, I had to go to a faculty meeting (goodbye winter fellowship! I'm so sorry to see you go!). That signals the loss of freedom as I will be expected to do more service around the department again. Some members of the department spent the first 45 minutes complaining. I wont' say about what; suffice it to say that I think it's a moot point and is not something I want to waste any energy on. We finally got to the business at hand after that.

Then I took Eddie and his classmate to Putters Family Entertainment in Eugene so they could play laser tag. The boys also played in the Arcde and they played mini-golf. I think they had a great time.

Yesterday, Eddie, a friend of mine and her corgi, and I went to Lincoln City. We stopped and walked on the beach in Newport (just a few minutes as it was sprinkling) and then had lunch. Then off to Chinook Winds Arcade, where Eddie played in the Arcade again. He asked to go to their day care center while my friend and I went to the outlet mall (found four shirts, a hood, and a pair of khaki cargo pants for dad for $40). We then had time to spend about 30 minutes at the casino. After that, we went to the beach at Road's End and other than a slight breeze, it was beautiful. The sun was shining through some high clouds and the tide was high. We had a nice short walk, then we stopped at McMenamin's Lighthouse Brewpub and had ice cream - Eddie had a vanilla milkshake and my friend and I had marionberry crumble with ice crea. The dessert was everything I shouldn't eat (other than the berries), but I figured I was on vacation. We got home about 7pm. I was tired, but pleasantly so.

Today - appointments. Wound care nurse, acupuncture, and a teeth cleaning. Also lunch with a colleague and friend. I need to pick up some stuff at work and then I'll take Eddie to Wacky Bounce, where I'll work on my spring term syllabus.

Tomorrow - a CT scan and a visit with my oncologist. Then, work. Maybe bring Ed to Wacky Bounce again.

Need to do more days like yesterday . . .

Since I was in the middle of The Girl Who Played with Fire yesterday - and had the sum total of 2-3 hours sleep (thank you steroids!) - I decided yesterday was going to be a "lazy day".

So, what did I do? Read most of the morning and then most of the evening. Got some supplies for Eddie's Science Fair project. Ran into some other parents at Eddie's school who were doing the same. Then spent most of the afternoon and into the evening working on that with him. Writing up things, printing it out, cutting it up, and gluing it on the poster board.

I only ventured out once.

It was kinda nice. I feel pretty relaxed - and while there are work projects hanging over my head, I don't feel too stressed about them.

I really need to do this more often.

Da da Da da Daaa da . . . Da da Da da Daaaa da!

What in the heck is that title mean? Think dancing, maybe even line dancing. Oh, yeah! It's the beat to the Conga line! (I think!) Where the last syllable is kinda loud, like it pops.

Why am I dancing?

Well, I just got my CEA tumor marker today. Guess what? It was even lower today than last month. It was 3.4 ng/mL. That's less than half of what it was in November. Anything 3.8 or less is considered normal. So, yes, I guess I can be considered normal! (Well, I'll think of myself as more normal when that wound heals and the satellite nodules disappear.)

I had both zometa and Abraxane. Maybe I should say, it's an "A to Z" Day. I also had good blood counts - my hemoglobin was 10.8. My white blood cells counts are about half what they were before starting Abraxane, but still decent.

Anyway, here is the history:

CEA
1/2008 - 1.2 ng/mL
3/2008 - 0.9 ng/mL
6/2008 - 1.0 ng/mL
8/2008 - 1.1 ng/mL (need to double check this number, but it was in that 0.9 to 1.2 range)
9/2008 - 0.5 ng/mL
10/2008 - 0.9 ng/mL
10/31/2008 - 1.2 ng/mL
11/28/2008 - 1.2 ng/mL
12/30/2008 - 1.1 ng/mL
3/2/2009 - 1.4 ng/mL
4/8/2009 - 1.6 ng/mL
5/5/2009 - 1.9 ng/mL
6/4/2009 - 3.0 ng/mL
7/2/2009 - 3.7 ng/mL
8/3/2009 - 4.2 ng/mL
8/31/2009 - 5.1 ng/mL
10/2/2009 - 5.7 ng/mL (or was it 5.8?)
11/2/2009 - 7.6 ng/mL
11/30/2009 - 10.5 ng/mL
12/28/2009 - 13.2 ng/mL
3/8/2010 - 22.9 ng/mL
4/22/2010 - 28.9 ng/mL
6/7/2010 - 46.3 ng/mL
7/19/2010 - 44.3 ng/mL
8/19/2010 - 50.9 ng/mL
10/05/2010 - 41.6 ng/mL
11/04/2010 - 7.1 ng/mL
12/03/2010 - 3.4 ng/mL

It hasn't been this low since before July 2009 - almost 18 months! Wanna join me for a Conga line? Da da Da da Daaa da . . . Da da Da da Daaa da!

A Normal And Beautiful Day

I was at work for over seven hours today. That's the most I've been there in a long long time. I got in about 9am, was supposed to meet with a student, but he didn't show, then prepared for class, had class (shared some dry fish from Unalakleet), then was on a teleconference call until almost 3:45.

Then a former student came in to the office to visit. She was only in one of my class in Spring 2009, but I guess she wanted to see how things were going. Turns out that last fall, she found out she had thyroid cancer and had surgery. Her hormones are a little wonky now, but she felt like they were working to get it under control.

After I got home, Eddie and I walked around the block because it was sooo beautiful here today. It was at least 70, sunny, with blue skies. He doesn't have school this whole week, so that's why I was able to stay at work longer. I wanted to walk with him so we can chat and get caught up. We both got some fresh air. I needed it because I was a little snippy. I was feeling a little pressure from work . . . still trying to get caught up with paperwork as well as a grant proposal. Sigh.

Then, after a quick bite at home (thanks to dad for cooking), I met some friends at a local brew pub. It was mostly members of the old co-ed softball team from (gulp) 19 years ago! But for some reason, one of the newer members of the team bought my lunch - thanks, J!

I got home at 8:30, after stopping at Blockbuster to rent Charlie and the Chocolate FActory for Eddie. Also found one of those 3 for $20 deals and got Letters to Juliet (for me), Percy Jackson (for Eddie), and The Invasion (for my brother).

All in all, other than about an hour and a half at home, I was on the go for nearly 12 hours. I am tired, but I don't think I overdid it. It just feels nice to have had a "normal" day!!

Tomorrow, I get a pedicure and then it's time for Abraxane. I hope to get some of that paperwork completed!!

Things are good

Today was a day when I didn't have any medical appointments! I also feel fairly normal and not tired. That is due, of course, to my blood transfusion yesterday. I thought that I might feel this burst of energy, but instead, it's more like my normal self. I like that.

I saw the wound care nurse, first, yesterday. She said when she saw how much the wound had changed in one week that it was "exciting". She said the same thing last week, too. So, I asked her why she was so excited at the changes in my wound and she replied that usually, when she and others see a cancerous wound/tumor as large as mine was, it usually keeps growing and eventually the patient goes home to die.

Whoa. I didn't realize it was as bad as that. Good thing, too! Anyway, she said that the whole area seems to be responding very well to the Abraxane treatment (which I believe is working in conjunction with the immunotherapy I had through UW). The wound/necrotic tissue has gotten smaller, from a high of 12x15 cm to what is now a 9x7 cm area. In only a few weeks, too. So, yes, I guess that it quite amazing!

I had the blood transfusion yesterday and it took about 5 hours from beginning to end. It went off without a hitch, as far as I can tell. I worked some, I called and made/rescheduled appointments, I played on facebook, I answered work emails, etc. I love all those nurses up there. They are very nice and sweet.

So, today was a good day. I met with my grad student; she now has a plan of action for the next few months. I taught my class. I have so much material I want to share with them and I always run out of time. But I guess over prepping is better than under prepping. It's a good class.

Then, I received an email about a co-authored journal article submission after I returned to my office and it got me all riled up. I won't go into details, but it seems that personal politics played a role rather than an objective reading of the article. I wrote a draft response - sent to a friend - so I can get it all out of my system. Otherwise, I might sit and fume about it.

Then again, maybe not. I think I'm changing inside and am learning to let go of stuff easier. Plus, I'm dwelling instead on the good news that after only three Abraxane treatments, I seem to be having an excellent response. Oh, and I got two cute crocheted hats in the mail today from a friend from high school. Thank you, C! Reason to celebrate! (I've said that before, huh?)

Ah, so no complaints. Life is good.

My State of Mind These Last Few Days

How am I feeling these days? In a word - happy. In love with life!

When I look back at the last few months, I see just how much my physical symptoms and side effects impacted my sense of well-being.

First, beginning around my birthday in July, I had an "inflammatory flare" in my left armpit due to the t-cell infusions and Herceptin. This inflammation caused a lot of pain and I ended up on pain pills for several weeks. So, I either felt pain, or some slight nausea and dizziness and fatigue from the pain meds.

Then, I had withdrawal symptoms from the pain meds - about late August.

Then, I ended up with an open skin wound. Got the news of disease progression and discussions with doctors about next steps. The whole area is still swollen and somewhat painful, not as bad as in July/August.

Then, I ended up with an infection in the wound and it started to grow. Fever, chills, and/or nausea/fatigue from the antibiotics. That was late September into early October. More discussions about what was going on - worry that I'd be hospitalized, worried if I should start treatment while still fighting an infection, placement of the P.A.S. port, starting a new treatment, learning about side effects.

Whew. A LOT was going on. In one sense, it was like I was a ball in a pinball machine, bouncing from one symptom and side effect to the next.

But now? Now, I am settling into a kind of routine again. Side effects are predictable. Side effects are doable - just fatigue and hair loss. My work is going well - when I'm there. I have a plan of sorts. I know what will happen in the next few months. There's evidence that the treatment is working. Mount Herminator is now a witch's cauldron. I don't have to lift my arm up constantly anymore. I can sleep on my left side again.

My heart, my soul, my mind - all feel lighter; I feel happier. A big weight has lifted. I guess because for the first time since I found out that the cancer had gone into my left lung 18 months ago, I am finally responding to treatment (t-cell therapy combined with Abraxane).

I wish to give a huge thank you to everyone who has helped me over the past six or so months. From my family who takes care of me daily, to my chauffeurs to Seattle and in Seattle, to the people who donated funds so I can make the trips, to my medical team who takes care of me, to my friends who keep me amused and entertained, to all the many people who keep me in their thoughts, prayers, who send me blessings and positive energy and little gifts. Thank you all! I have a huge wonderful support system and I can't thank you enough. Because, you see, you help me. I am doing so well because of you.

Cancer's on the run, baby. Time to celebrate!

Pictures - Fall Fun!

Here are some pics from last week, when we went to Bauman Farms in Gervais, for some fall fun!

Eddie on some of the attractions for kids:

This is a slide - he had to climb up the other side on ropes or something - in the obstacle course.

Eddie's foot and leg are there at the top of the tires.

Eddie going through a tire obstacle.

In the "Sock Hop" - a series of inflatable obstacle courses.

Lunch break.  Eddie found this very long curly fry.

The bottom of the Giant Slide.  I think it's at least 18 feet tall.

Eddie shooting out the bottom of the Giant Slide.

Eddie jumping on the Giant Jumping Pillow.  He loves it!

Resting while the kids go through the Dark Maze - Rena is playing "props" with one of the interesting shaped gourds.  One ringy dingy, two ringy dingy.

Mom called her "Gonzo" after the Muppet Show!  

We had a beautiful day playing at Bauman Farms.  I got tired, but luckily dad drove up and back.  Thanks, dad!

What To Do Today?

Well, today is a rainy day in the Willammette Valley. I feel the need to get out and about. But what to do, what to do?

I slept okay last night. Got about four hours then was awake for two hours, then back to sleep for four hours. So, that means I am up for something.

I could
- work on a grant proposal, start editing some articles for my book, and read proposals
- shop for some appropriate cocktail attire for Puttin' on the Pink; my sis found a really pretty dress. I have a nice black one that will work, but the dressing in my armpit is noticeable. Maybe I will just wear a shawl or something over it. I also need to organize "girly-time with Rena and Amy" so we can all go together next weekend.
- maybe grab lunch with a friend
- write thank you notes to Tara, Cat, and Loretta
- work on a new mosaic
-maybe visit Eddie at Kids Day for Conservation

I need to return "Universe", a little stuffed giraffe that Miss Finn let me borrow to keep me company during the Abraxane treatment.

I would like to go to the casino for a bit . . .

Well, rather than talk about it, I guess it's time to get my butt in gear and DO something!

Countdown to Hermination - 15 days

This morning, I got to thinking about "hermination", the word I used for "terminating" the cancer cells, using my super duper Herminator-2 cells.

It occurred to me that while hermination rhymes with termination, it also rhymes with "germination" and again, it seems a perfect term for me to use.

Hermination represents the TERMINATION of the cancer and the GERMINATION of a life in which my immune system is able to kill the cancer cells.

How cool is that?  : )

Also, I got most of the pieces for a grant proposal uploaded today.  We've been working on pieces of this for months, so we're glad that there's some forward movement. A good day!

My New Hairdo

In June, I will have to have a cytoxan treatment, just before I get my t-cells back. Cytoxan is a conventional chemotherapy, with a side effect of hair thinning. So, I decided to have my hair cut short since it'd be easier to disguise the thinning and then easier to fix it when it starts growing back.

Anyway, here are the pics:








Last night, I joined my friend Amy to celebrate her birthday. Amy drove me up to Seattle for Visit #2. Here's a picture of us:



We had a fun time! Thanks again, Amy!

UW Clinical Trial - More on Visit 3 Tomorrow

I just wanted to let you all know I haven't dropped off the end of the earth. I'm doing well. A bit tired yesterday and today, but not the eye-droopy fatigue of last week and the week before. I was quite euphoric today - partly because I had more energy, partly because I won't have to travel north for a few weeks, partly because I only had one appointment today. I also saw lots of flowering rhodies (will try to transfer photos from my facebook page). The powers that be must've known I was in a good mood today because when I left my office to pick up Spagedward, I walked through the MU Quad - and was greeted by the songs and chirps of many birds. Lots of them. I didn't really try to figure out how many because it was raining and didn't want raindrops in my eyes. But the sound was very cool! I posted on facebook, "the birds are having a concert in the quad" and they were. One of my friends answered, "I think they were trying to tell you that they were happy that you were happy and wanted to make you happier." Of course! Makes perfect sense.

I even played volleyball tonight. I was tired by the third game, but at least I was out there. I didn't play hard, but it was nice to play regardless. Anyway, got to get to bed - more tomorrow!

Busy But Good Days

Since my last post, I've been busy. At work, I've been putting together a couple of proposals that are due March 29th and April 1st. I spent most of Thurs and Fri in email discussions about both of them. One is an internal OSU opportunity - it's a long shot for me because I think they usually target more advanced scholars (people who have published more), but I figure, what the heck? It's to help advance an idea of my friend in Hawaii . . .

The other is a proposal to help organize and manage all the King Island data that was collected over a few years. We had a lot of people recording data and now have had three or four maybe five trips going back to double-check data. So, it's all over the place and it's hard to put our fingers on something when we need it. It's involved a lot of discussion between interested parties - lots of emails and phone calls to make sure everyone's on the same page. This project has been hard in terms of trying to manage it; so many people have been doing a variety of work on it that I've lost track of where things are. I don't know that many of them appreciate how difficult it has been because other work activities crop up that need immediate attention. I think that next time (if there is a next time, LOL), I might hire a part-time (20 hour/week) person to keep track of just that project. That will be their sole responsibility. My problem has been that not only am I trying to manage the project - keeping track of about 7 or 8 people and the data they collected - I'm also trying to keep track of my own set of data on this project AND three or four other projects, each of them ranging in size from small (only I can do them) to large (collaborating with two other groups). For the latter project, I've also had four and will soon add another student working on it. They've all worked on pieces of it. I'm hoping my current Ph.D. student can get a handle on that data this term.

So, now that I've exhausted both you and me, I will report that to clear my head on Friday, I finished gluing the tiles onto my new mosaic. That took all evening - from about 3:30 to 8:30pm with only about an hour break for dinner. Now, it just needs to be grouted and also maybe put an edge on it. That may happen after Eddie and I go for a hike today with Cat and Kai and kiddos and furries (dogs, that is).

Yesterday, after lunch at a local pub with the fam, I took Eddie to the Family Fun Center in Wilsonville. He tried the "Sky Trail", which is an obstacle ropes course at least ten feet above the ground. He had one nerve-wracking part - he was wearing a harness so he wouldn't have fallen to the ground - but he made it through on his own. I called over an attendant to watch him the last half of the trail.









By the time we got home (we waited in line 30-45 minutes three times - twice for the Bumper Boats and once for the Sky Trail), I was tired. At least we got to go out into the sunshine and fresh air! Dinner was waiting for us when we got home - spaghetti! A lazy evening watching television rounded out the day.

Eddie is in the back on the right of this picture - twice, he chased girls around his age and squirted them in the boat.




So, today, a hike. Maybe grouting. Tomorrow, Eddie leaves to go to the coast with his dad for the night. I'll spend Mon and Tues finishing up these proposals. Maybe I'll work on one or both of them this evening if I'm feeling up to it. We'll see! We might get drizzle today, but the fresh air will still be good for us. I need to get this kind of work done this week because I expect that I'll be wiped out next week, after my next Herceptin treatment (just so you know - it sucks to have to plan your life and work around periods of good energy and known periods of fatigue - just so you know).

Happy Sunday!