Frustrated

A new anti nausea med (Raglan) seems to help, but I still have no appetite. I am afraid if I eat anything too solid, I will get bad constipation. In the meantime, I think I have lost even more weight, even though I try to force myself to eat something.

So I am frustrated. Afrid I will waste away to nothing.

Maybe I need to go into the hospital to get nutrients, fluids, and strength.

I feel like I am wasting away. But dad thinks I am gradually getting stronger. My fears are getting the worse of me today.

I did stay at Eddie's party for an hour yesterday, longer than I thought in the heat.

But I stayed home today while my patents went to the state fair with Eddie.

My family is trying to help me through this time. I am so thankful they are here.

Eddie, I am going to do all I can to be here for you. You are important to me. I love you very much.

Wow. What a Difference!

I took Benadryl last night to sleep, but it was really fitful. I ended up looking at the clock every so often. So, out of frustration because I thought I'd feel as tired today as yesterday, I took an Ambien at 1:50. Then I slept until 5, then dozed off and on until about 6:30pm.

I must've got more sleep than I thought because I've had a great day. I don't really feel that tired or even groggy.

So, now I think the grogginess was due to me having a beer at my friend's graduation party. I think I'll avoid alcohol while I'm on the anti-seizure medication. It doesn't say to avoid it, but now that it's out of my system, I feel okay today. (Yes, dad, I know you'd rather I not drink at all.) So, alcohol only for special occasions this summer.

What did I do today? I stayed home most of the day. I took Ed to school, then went to the co-op to pick up a facial cleanser (something causing my face to break out) and I saw a friend and visited with her and her two kiddos.

I came home, got my checkbook caught up, paid a bill, made some appointments, cleaned my little 1/2 bathroom (I might have a leaky sink - crap), then finally cleaned up myself, then worked for a couple of hours on my blog analysis, picked up Eddie, then got a pedicure.

My tummy felt a little off today here and there, so it's still recovering from the steroids.

After my first surgery on April 1, I ended up losing weight - from about 142 to 134 pounds. When I left the hospital after my third surgery, I was 134. I weighed about 138 on Friday - thanks to the steroids and eating carbs like crazy and probably some water retention. I had wanted to get below 140 for a long time, so I'm going to try to stay right where I'm at. I am attempting to get back to a better diet, but I still want sweet chewy candy. I think about those almond-paste croissants from Le Patisserie, but as sugar feeds cancer, I am trying my best to avoid them. I start adding flaxseed to my cereal again, too. Now, to begin drinking green tea. I really need to readopt an anticancer diet.

I'm good. I don't feel like lying down. I'm watching Ed play his wii. It's a good evening and a good day. I feel like I should be doing something . . . who knows, maybe start gluing the new mosaic design? If truth be told, I want to get back to that blog analysis. : )

Tomorrow will be busy; two appointments in the am (wound care and physical therapy), then hanging out with Eddie during his school's field trip, then I have an echogram afterwards, then Eddie's school play at 6:30. Eddie is the "producer" for American Ideal (a Christian knock-off of American Idol). Let's hope I get even more sleep tonight. I think I will. My heart rate seems to have slowed down more to normal.

Abraxane Side Effects

I think I mentioned in a blog post a couple of days ago that one of the side effects I am experiencing is stomach cramping. When you read the list of potential side effects, they say "stomach upset" or "stomach pain", but in truth, it isn't painful. It just feels like a tightening or spasming of the tummy muscles. It's not even uncomfortable. Just weird. [WARNING: don't read the next sentence if you're squeamish.] And, I have some diarrhea and/or soft stools.

I should also say that I think I've lost a few pounds since starting Abraxane - maybe 4-6 pounds or so. My appetite is about the same, so either my body is using a lot more energy to whisk away the dead cancer cells or my body isn't absorbing the food I eat as well as it should. It's the latter, probably. I haven't minded the weight loss because I felt at least 15 pounds or more over my ideal weight. I'm about 11 or 12 pounds less than I was in June. Partly because of the recent weight loss due to Abraxane, but also because I think I've lost some fluids from the skin wound - I have less lymphedema than I did in the summer. Dietary changes have also contributed, like cutting out white flour recently and dairy products and I'm really trying to decrease my sugar input. I also haven't been drinking as much beer since summer. If I lose more than 5 pounds, I'll get worried. But losing another 5 puts me at the ideal weight for my height and bone frame.

So, I told my colleague, S., about my stomach cramping symptoms and wondered why. S. knows how to get into the medical literature that reports actual studies.

He told me this morning that it turns out that Abraxane can destroy the inner lining of your stomach. He suggested that I take Probiotics to help with digestion and to increase the good bacteria in the stomach. And, maybe occasionally take Mylanta or something like it.

I then mentioned it to a friend and colleague (K.) at lunch today and she suggested a supplement called "GI-Encap", which repairs the lining of the stomach. She also mentioned something called HMF-Intensive, which is a probiotic.

So, I will be adding those two to my supplement repertoire. At the moment, I take 1) CoQ-10 (helps your cells work more efficiently for more energy; may also have anticancer effects), 2) Vitamin D-3 (I had low Vitamin D levels and it also has anticancer properties), 3) turmeric (anticancer properties), 4) Chinese herbs (a five-mushroom blend (anticancer), Ji Xue for building blood, Rehmannia and Scrophularia also for building blood (I think), Shen Ling Bai Zhu Pian (to help my body digest the Rehmannia and for digestion issues generally)), 5) melatonin (anticancer properties), plus a 6) Chinese herb for sleep. I also picked up 7) Zong Gan LIng at the co-opera yesterday for "advanced colds". The latter helps with symptoms and also helps to get over your cold more quickly. I started taking it yesterday and I have to report that it really does help relieve cold symptoms, but without leaving my mouth dry from the antihistamines in western cold medicines or making me feel zonked out or tired. I feel normal and there's less stuffy/runny nose and post-nasal drip to worry about. I also think that my cold is already a lot better.

Having cancer isn't cheap. That's where a lot of any "disposable" income I might have goes to. I'm not complaining, mind you, because in general, I have been feeling fairly well lately, with good energy, no pain, etc. But thank goodness for good health insurance and for a full time job.