Minor Issues

First, I want to say that I think I'm doing okay in the grand scheme of things. My tumor marker is low and most of the elevation is probably coming from the tumor on my breastbone. My energy is coming back (although I didn't feel like doing anything after wound care at 1:30).I am doing more or less normal activities (well, normal for me in the last year or so). Life is sorta getting back to normal.

There are some minor issues that I'm finally getting around to thinking about now that the major issue (the wound) is resolving. I'm still trying to grow skin over the flap. It's not going to be done by the time I see Dr. T. in Portland on Monday but because I know there is an end point in sight, I am continuing to deal with daily dressing changes. It is still bleeding, which then makes me wonder about my energy, so I will continue to rest and not push myself too hard.

The other issues are:
1) lymphedema in the left (surgery) arm. The swelling is mostly in my bicep and tricep area, but on Monday, I must've lowered my arm a lot because when I got home, I couldn't see my wrist bone and most of the bones in my left hand due to swelling. I've spent most of the last few days trying to keep that left arm elevated. Now I can see my wrist and even most of my elbow, although there is still swelling just below my elbow, too. I mist have to wear a sleeve.

2) the tumor on my breastbone. I could tell that it grew after surgery. I hope that Herceptin stopped the growth, but I still have about a 3-4 cm lump protruding from my upper chest. That lump seems to have gotten more purple and blue since Herceptin, which might be death? Either that or it's grown so much that it's bursting the skin at its seems and the skin is bruised in response. I hoped that it could wait until summer started, but maybe well have to do surgery to cut it out sooner rather than later.

3) the right shoulder/arm/hand pain. I am constantly telling myself to lower my right shoulder and relax it. I keep tensing it. I also find myself tensing that right hand. It's one reason why I'm not on the computer (blogging or facebook) as much because it irritates that right arm. Acupuncture the other day helped to relax it some and I'm trying to keep the effects of acupuncture (relaxation) more in play. I think it's better, but I still get numbness and tingling in my fingers.

4) the P.A.S. port in my right arm. The catheter seems to have moved around before and after surgery. There's a slight buckle in it, near the port, where the catheter makes a kind of "s" curve. I can also feel the end of it in my chest - all the skin around that area is tender. It feels swollen to me. And, while I can stretch my arm out horizontally, I can't stretch it out overhead because it starts hurting. I have a suspicion that things shifted somehow. I really want this port taken out. If it gets as painful in my next infusion as the last time, I will talk Dr. K into taking the damn thing out. I don't think I need it after all . . . I don't plan on having chemo again anytime soon. Just the targeted therapies (Herceptin and Zometa).

So, several issues related to my upper body. I hope to gradually work on each of them so they can resolve. : ) Happy Friday!

Port Inserted, Eddie is Okay

Yesterday was my first almost-full day at work in about two weeks. I took it relatively easy and was happy that I had a few hours to prepare for my noon class. I think I am managing to get that class caught up with my string of absences. That feels good. I think I'm engaging the students, too.

Then, it was off to my appointment at the hospital to have the P.A.S. port inserted (installed?). There was some delay waiting for the IV nurse and then they thought that they had an emergency heart cath to do before me. The good news is that a softball buddy of mine was part of the crew who worked on me to put the port in my arm. Thanks, A! It was nice to have the distraction of chatting and visiting with you. They gave me some mile sedatives, so I think I was coherent, but relaxed. I only felt three pokes/pinches the whole time. It was over fairly quickly (i.e., in and out of the procedure room in about 45 min) but then they had to observe me in Short Stay for an hour to be sure I was recovering without any problems. I got home about six. So, it was a long day.

I had dinner and then rested in my room. I think I fell asleep at 7, woke up at 8, fell back to sleep until after 9pm, then I got ready for bed and was probably asleep by 9:30pm. I may have awakened once, but at 2:30am, I woke up to a weeping wound dressing. Sigh. Finally got up at 3:30 to change it and fell back to sleep at 4:30.

Then, it was up around 5:45 to get ready to go to Portland. Eddie had an appointment at Doernbecher's Children's Hospital for a check-up for his Marfan's Syndrome. A huge thanks to dad for driving - they didn't want me driving today because of the sutures in my arm. It was a good visit - his heart was fine. So, we continue to monitor him in case his aorta changes in the future. He will see the ophthalmology specialist in a couple of weeks.

We stopped at Macy's to look for a sweater/shrug/fancy jacket to go over my black dress for Puttin' on the Pink, which is on Saturday. I think I found a nice sweater, with big sleeves for the armpit and for the port. I need to put them on together to be sure.

We got home about 3:45pm and I've been relaxing since. Particularly since I now have diarrhea. Probably from all the meds yesterday. Sigh. My dressing also started leaking again; I need to change it, but I'm waiting as long as possible so it can last throughout the night. I wish . . . .

Play Day Today

Yesterday, I wrote 5 pages on a grant proposal and drafted the budget. I also had lunch with a friend - yummy Indian food! But later, my stomach felt a little bloated or full. I guess it's off from the Abraxane? It's better today.

Since I worked yesterday, today was a play day. So, mom, dad, and I went to Spirit Mountain Casino - played some slots and ate at the buffet; I had yummy salmon. I tried not to eat too much thinking that maybe if I erred for less food, I'd be less likely to feel bloated. I donated money to the Grand Ronde. Not much. Figure I have probably broken even over all in the last couple of months.

Then, we picked up Eddie. And, we've been relaxing ever since. Did laundry. I need to read some for class tomorrow. I needed to pick up some more dressings and spent $45 on them today. Sheesh. Having a wound is expensive business.

Tomorrow? Get ready for class, then have class, then off to the hospital for my P.A.S. port. Tuesday? We take Eddie to Doernbecher's for his Marfan's check-up. I see wound care on Wednesday and will also have acupuncture in addition to class. Then, Abraxane on Thursday. Puttin' on the Pink next Saturday. A busy week ahead, that's for sure!

Must Be On the Mend . . .

Or, I could've titled it, "The Mind is Willing but the Body says maybe".

Or, I could've titled it, "I want to join the land of the living."

I had a good night's sleep last night - about eight hours. First time in at least a week or more. So, after I dropped Eddie off at school, I went in to my office to pick up a file and then to my Humanities office to pick up a file there. Because, you see, I want to start being productive, so if I bring it home, maybe I will actually get to it. I want to start writing. I want to start thinking about something other than my health. I want to think about work.

A good sign, eh?

But I feel a bit weak and shaky today. And, after running around for an hour, I'm kinda tired again. I figure if I can weather the next few days, I will enter a new normal where I can work and put all the health stuff on a sort of back burner - where I don't have to talk or think about it all the time. I will get into some kind of routine, which will feel nice, so I can plan ahead.

I haven't had Phenergan (an anti-nausea med) since dinner time yesterday. My stomach feel mostly okay. I do have some diarrhea.

This afternoon, I have the P.A.S. port inserted into my arm. They will give me a sedative, so I expect to be kind of out of it again tonight. I hope I recover enough so that I can do something tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, fever's gone. The wound is still not a pretty sight, but parts of what used to be a very hard lesion is now kinda soft and mushy. Not sure what that means.

See you on the other side . . .

Tired

I had insomnia last night - couldn't get to sleep until almost midnight and then I had to get up at 6:30. So, I've been tired all day. About 11am, my tummy felt a little gurgly. I didn't feel nauseous, just like the stomach was a bit too active. So, I took Phenergan and it was fine. I woke up a couple of times and at 5am, it was gurgly again, so I took another one.

I took Eddie to school and then came home and napped twice for about 30 minutes each time, then I took a shower, had lunch, then rested - maybe napped again - then picked Eddie up from school.

I wanted to go to qigong tonight, but I took Phenergan right before dinner (they said to do it about 30 min ahead of time, but I didn't) and my stomach felt a little upset again, so I rested yet again - maybe napped about 15 min here and there.

I've got stuff to do, but I can't seem to concentrate on it. I'd like to pay bills, read, do something that makes me feel productive, but it seems the most I can muster is updating my blog and posting on Facebook!

Here's to a more normal day tomorrow. Then again, I get the P.A.S. port inserted. So, I may be a little knocked out from the meds/sedatives they give me to do that. Maybe by the week-end, things will be back to "normal".