Much Better This Morning

Even though I was tired last night, I couldn't get to sleep, so I finally got up and did a qigong form called "Great White Crane". It's to help your lung meridians but some of the movements mimic a crane taking a bath in the water or just walking through the water in joy.

Also, one of my blogging friends, Jeanne, said that she wishes she could help lighten my load somehow in one of her comments to my post about the wound. When I woke up at 4am, I remembered that comment and also a breathing exercise given to me back in 2002, the first time I went through treatments.

The trick is to breathe in strength and energy and breathe out the bad stuff. Bad emotions, etc.

So I did that at 4am for a few minutes. I imagined bringing in strength and energy with my in-breath and breathing weakness and pain out with my out-breathe.

And, ya know what? I feel better this morning. Better able to meet the challenges of the day. Better able to work and teach my first class.

That feels a whole lot better than the last few days. Thanks for jogging my memory on that one, Jeanne!

Darnit!! Not surprised, though

As you all know, I had these new satellite tumors growing in and around the wound. I counted as many as 17 or 18 today. So, I knew my CEA tumor marker would go up. I thought it would by a few points, but instead it went up to 17.1.

Crap. Lost a lot of ground in the last month. My theory again is that Abraxane worked as long as I had a bunch of Herminator-2 cells running around. However, Abraxane is a non-discriminating chemotherapy - it kills bad as well as good cells. So, my lovely Herminator-2 cells have been knocked down by Abraxane - a couple of weeks ago, it was about 1/3 of what it was at the beginning of October. Today, my white blood cell count went back up - it doubled from two weeks ago - but it's still not the strength that's needed.

So, it was necessary to bring in something new - I'm glad we added Herceptin today with the new CEA number. I'm not out of the woods yet. I need to recommit to not eating sugar or processed foods and to practicing qigong and meditation more. I need to do whatever I can to help my body knock out the cancer. I think the high CEA today was a message to tell me to not rest on my laurels . . . or to rely too much on just one thing, like the Abraxane.

It also means starting to say no again to things at work, including any kind of long distance travel. The farthest I want to go is Hawaii or Alaska. I need to stay close to home and rest. I need to keep my life as unstressful as possible. A couple of new things cropped up at work today and it made me feel overwhelmed. So, it's time to retreat.

I expect that I won't sleep well tonight. I might use the time to write and get a bit ahead with work projects. So, I got a plan.

Here's the CEA history:

Anyway, here is the history:

CEA
1/2008 - 1.2 ng/mL
3/2008 - 0.9 ng/mL
6/2008 - 1.0 ng/mL
8/2008 - 1.1 ng/mL (need to double check this number, but it was in that 0.9 to 1.2 range)
9/2008 - 0.5 ng/mL
10/2008 - 0.9 ng/mL
10/31/2008 - 1.2 ng/mL
11/28/2008 - 1.2 ng/mL
12/30/2008 - 1.1 ng/mL
3/2/2009 - 1.4 ng/mL
4/8/2009 - 1.6 ng/mL
5/5/2009 - 1.9 ng/mL
6/4/2009 - 3.0 ng/mL
7/2/2009 - 3.7 ng/mL
8/3/2009 - 4.2 ng/mL
8/31/2009 - 5.1 ng/mL
10/2/2009 - 5.7 ng/mL (or was it 5.8?)
11/2/2009 - 7.6 ng/mL
11/30/2009 - 10.5 ng/mL
12/28/2009 - 13.2 ng/mL
3/8/2010 - 22.9 ng/mL
4/22/2010 - 28.9 ng/mL
6/7/2010 - 46.3 ng/mL
7/19/2010 - 44.3 ng/mL
8/19/2010 - 50.9 ng/mL
10/05/2010 - 41.6 ng/mL
11/04/2010 - 7.1 ng/mL
12/03/2010 - 3.4 ng/mL
12/30/2010 - 17.1 ng/mL

Sigh. No rest for the wicked, huh?

A Coincidence?

Mr. Exu is really crying buckets. I went through 10 or 12 layers of gauze sponges in about 8 hours today. It was almost an inch thick. My colleague joked yesterday that I should just wear a Kotex under my arm!

The interesting thing is that last week, my acupuncturist started treating me according to a specified treatment given to her by her teacher. It is aimed at releasing old patterns and stagnant energy. The treatment is augmented by the use of essential oils that are dabbed along the Dai Mai (belt channel). I started using the essential oils (3 days on, 3 days off) after I saw her on Tuesday last week and by Friday, Mr. Exu was weeping more. I am on Day 3 the second time again and that armpit is practically gushing.

A coincidence? Is the treatment working to release old patterns, exemplified in weeping fluid from my largest area of worry in that armpit? I think so.

I see my acupuncturist tomorrow and will mention it to her.

In the meantime, I had gigong tonight and it really helped my mood. I was pissy at home all day because I didn't get enough sleep and had to get up early. My task tonight! Turn out the light by 11pm and GET SOME SLEEP!

P.S. Also found out that since our department's office managers duties have shifted because of the "realignment" at the university, she has less time for advising. So this year, I will be our undergraduate advisor, which gets me out of one course for the year. So at this point, I teach one course in fall and one in spring, pus a one-credit Honors College overload. I gave a Humanities fellowship in winter and advising buys me out of another class. Whew. More flexible time for me which is needed.

To Victoria and Home Again

I'm sorry I haven't posted the past few days - I traveled to Victoria, BC, on Wednesday (it took me a flippin' 14 hours!!! because of a mechnical problem on a plane) and didn't get there until 11pm. I was routed through Vancouver BC and while waiting for my flight to Victoria, I decided to have a beer at a pub there. While I was on Facebook, I heard a screech - several screeches really - and then there was a rat running across the floor! It went from one side of the bar (on one concourse) and ran to the other side of the bar (to the concourse on that side) Holy cow! At an airport! I took my feet off the floor and put them up on the chair across from me, just in case. Then, about ten minutes later, the rat (same one, presumably) ran back across to where he or she came! That was my excitement.

I spent Thurs and Fri in meetings - about 12 separate meetings with individual people each day. I was part of a three-person external review team that was evaluating a master's program in Environmental Education and Communication.

The program itself is unique - I don't know that there are any other specifically Environmental Education programs anywhere else in North America.

Anyway, I learned a lot and then took a cab about 4:15 to the airport, then waited for the flight to Seattle, had a 3+ hour layover, then a flight to Eugene. We landed at 11:45pm and then I got home by about 12:45am. Asleep by about 1:15pm and up at 8:30am this morning.

I'm tired.

I have an afternoon qigong workshop today. Nothing really going on tomorrow, but Monday afternoon, I'll be part of a meditation class. Before the class, I will start Herceptin and will take that along with zometa every three weeks and then take daily Tykerb pills.

The pain under my armpit - which is episodic and happens only when I use or stretch out my arm - is probably due to a pinched nerve from the swollen lymph nodes. I've been taking Tylenol fairly regularly which seems to help.

Anyway, the sun is shining and things are settling in at home. Time to get going! Enjoy your week-ends everyone!

From the frying pan and . . .

into the fire! Actually, I'm just joking. I was so busy at AFN, got home Sunday evening and yesterday, I hit the ground running at work. Students needing recommendation letters, students needing clarification on assignments, paperwork for the travel, scheduling meetings, writing responses to emails, following up on things from the trip, teaching my folklore class, meeting with various people, escorting international students to give a guest presentation at my son's school, etc.

Good thing I did qigong last night. It helped to center me. One of my classmates in qigong is so focused on getting it right, but by focusing on getting it right, she's missing the point of just doing the movement and getting used to how it FEELS. That's more important. It's kinda nice to be on the other side of intellectualizing it (like I did when I first started over a year ago) and more on the experiencing side of it.

I'm also happy that the fact that I'm able to do it means that I'm mostly over the flu/cold bug that I had. Yay!

Well, someone agreed to do an interview via the phone with me tonight. So, I best get organized for that. It's one of those follow-ups from last week.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

P.S. Promised pictures will come soon - hopefully this week?