The Weather Messed Up My Weekend

I was supposed to go up to Portland yesterday and hang out for aday and night with Scott, but a winter storm was forecast so we decided that neither of us should really travel. Instead, we met in Salem for a couple of hours.

I just talked to Scott and he said that it's blustery, snowy weather up there with about an inch or two. We didn't get snow here until about 5am and it has since mostly melted. When I saw it had melted, I thought that I'd been too cautious, but when Scott described the conditions up there, it seems that we made the right decision.

I'm bummed. Eddie was with his dad this week-end and I've felt lonely. I'm just tired of living alone - it'd be nice to have the companionship through the holidays. It's just hard going to get-togethers with friends, family, and colleagues without a partner.

I had things to do, though, and that helps - volleyball and then a beer with teammates on Friday night, then a holiday get-together and white elephant exchange at my chair's house midday yesterday.

Got all my presents wrapped. Working on Christmas cards today. A baby shower later, although we'll have to see how the roads are - the shower is in Philomath, but up in the hills a bit. Don't want to get caught driving on ice.

Well, hope you all are doing well!

Radiation Update

I met with the radiation oncologist and it looks like I will be starting this treatment next week. Basically, she said that 1) because that area had been previously radiated, it's hard for the chemo to get access to the cancer cells, so the radiation, as a targeted local treatment, may have better luck gaining access to them; and 2) if the red rash is indeed cancer and it's not receding, there is a chance that it might grow, which means that if I waited longer, the radiation field would have to be bigger and that is not what we want at the moment.

In terms of the side effects that I feared, it was her opinion and understanding that the reason why the open wound is not healing is probably because of the cancer cells. So, if we radiate it, it might actually help the skin heal quicker because we kill the buggers. In other words, she didn't feel that I'd have a bigger open wound, but it might actually help heal it.

Also, it's really a crapshoot in terms of whether or not I would have capsular contraction and lose the implant. The risk is already there because the tissue has already been radiated. I think what she says is that we don't know, really, whether more radiation would increase the chances of losing the implant. In her experience, she has not seen a woman lose her implant from radiation. Although, I forgot to ask her exactly how many other women with implants she has treated in the past.

I am feeling really really raw today - just really beat up. Can't really go into details as the individuals involved read the blog and I do want to remain friends with the individuals... suffice it to say that I'm hurt and disappointed. Also found out yesterday that a big grant proposal wasn't funded and that was on top of two other small grant proposals that didn't get funded. So, while I can handle one or even three of these little disappointments, they all seem to be piling up today - then put radiation as the icing on the cake and you can understand why I just need some hugs tonight.

My son is with me tonight - I need to go pay him some attention and get some more hugs from him, too. Have a good night, folks.