Aggressive treatment

I saw the doctor yesterday who assured me that I am strong even if I don't feel like it. She said radiation is very aggressive treatment and at the moment I need all the rest I can get to heal.

She also said that I should be in no hurry to go off the pain meds because the more comfortable I am, the better I heal. I should expect to be tired for several weeks and will probably be on pain meds for awhile.

I asked why my hands shake and ahe said I am probably just weak now because my body is doing so much to heal from radiation.

My acupuncturist told me that this is my most challenging time with this disease and reminded me that now I am in a very yin time - I just need to hole up and rest. But yin eventually turns to yang so eventually I will gain more energy. The only constant is change.

I occasionally get blood in my urine and I think I notice it more when I don't drink as much water.

The wound in my arm is weeping more, sometimes with more blood. The tumor is shrinking, though.

I get Herceptin tomorrow. Hopefully that keeps other tumors at bay for awhile. Imreallymstart need to gain strength.

The doctor said fact that I don't have an infection and am maintaining my weight is good.

Please let me get through these next 8 treatments. Injust wish I felt better.

Being Truthful

Yesterday, I decided to be truthful on facebook and got such an outpour of support that I wanted to say thank you.

My dad says I always put a good face on everything and mentioned that no one else really sees what I am going through. In the end, this week, I have been crying a lot and worried that I am on a downward spiral. Dad reminded me that my blood counts are good, the tumors aren't growing, and I am doing treatments to keep more things from growing. My weight is stable, too.

But there are side effects, including pain and fatigue and nausea. The nausea and fatigue should start going away in the next few weeks. I am not sure of the pain, though. I hate being on pain meds, but if it means I can start operating somewhat normally soon, then so be it. I am on the fentanyl oath, but take an additional dilaudid every few hours. Dilaudid makes me tired, which is okay for continued rest.

I am not really good company right now and sorta just want to hole up at home and rest. I will let people know when I am feeling upmto visitors. Thanks to Jeanne for giving me permission to be lousy company.

As people remind me, I have been through a helluva lot these last few months. Four surgeries, pus three weeks of radiation with two more to go. I will ask my parents today to do a light massage on mt left arm to try to move the fluid into my back and lessen how fat my arm is. That might help decrease the pain. I think the numbness in my right middle finger is better, but it is hard to tell. Because of the numbness in my right fingers and the swelling in my left, I can hardly lift anything.

I just hate feeling so weak and shaky. But time heals, right? Just got to give it time.

Thank you to everyone for reminding me of my strength. I don't feel strong,but maybe now I am drawing on that strength to get me through the next few weeks.

Another big thank you to my family for helping me and taking Eddie on outings. I hope to do that again soon.