Rest. It does a body good.

One of my blogging friends, Laurie, commented on my last blog post that rest is as much doing something as anything else. I feel like I have been doing nothing but rest lately, but it is a good reminder - again in this yang-addicted society and with my yang-addicted personality- that it is okay to do nothing.

I haven't done much today. Just ran an errand with dad. My eyes can't focus on anything close (one reason I am not blogging or on Facebook so much). I napped once. Chatted on the phone with a friend. But that is about it.

Yesterday, I paid bills and grouted my mosaic. Just need to do some finish work on it and put sealant on it and it's done.

Took the antibiotic yesterday and started Tykerb (just one pill so my body can get used to it and my digestive system can heal some more). So far so good. My stomach still cramps when I eat.

Oh, I also took a longer walk today. I try to do the "shee-shee-whoo" breath when I do. It is a qigong technique. My acupuncturist says that her teacher knows a group of cancer patients in China who do this three hours a day andnthey are cancer free. It is all part of my plan to take deeper breaths and work the anxiety out of my system.

I have take Valium the last three nights and that also helps. I am able to go longer stretches without eating (otherwise once an hour), so now I feel more human. There is less tension in my shoulders, which is a good thing.

Holy cow. Tired today.

But even so, we got some things done.

This morning, after putting on my mad scientist hat, I mixed a new topical concoction for that chest tumor.

Then mom, dad, and I went shopping at Kohl's. We picked up news shoes for Eddie and t-shirts for me, some clothes for mom and Scott. I also found a nice little mosaic table for the deck outside . . . When the deck gets built.

Had lunch in Albany, then went to a local. Ursery, where we found a Plain Terra cotta plant container and another ceramic one for plants in the backyard. Our plan is to make a curvy pathways, surrounded by beds using retaining wall stones and plant containers. That will be directly behind the deck we plan to build.

By then, I was beat. I think the Ambien made me groggy all day, so I plan to take Benadryl to see if I feel better tomorrow while still sleeping tonight (a couple of doctors suggested this to help with sleep.

I rested through the early afternoon, then right before dinner, I designed a new mosaic. I have bee making them in these 2ft. X 2ft. panels which may end up in a short fence thatnwill divide the side yard in back from the backyard.

After dinner, I rested and watched Chocolat. I love that movie. Still tired. Hope Inget more than 4-5 hours tonight! I feel so lucky my folks are here - I was way too tired to make dinner for me and Eddie. I am glad some ins are getting back to normal, though, like shopping and errands. But the grogginess today has been a bit much.

Mosaic today

I had a relatively low-key day today. I woke up shaky and with some diarrhea, but within a couple of hours, The shakiness disappeared. I was tired all day, though, as I had only 2-3 hours sleep.

I worked mostly on grouting and placing tiles on my design. I will try to post pics when I can.

Eddie had a tough day at school today. I wonder just how much of his problem is due to what's going on with me. He is why I need to be around for years to come, to help him through days like this as he feels like I am the only one he can talk to about days like today.

Tomorrow, I have therapy - will probably talk about what Dr. K said. Then I get this bandage off my head - yay! My head is really starting to itch! Then Uncle Alex and Aunt Nancy will be done for a visit.

No other real news, other than I get Herceptin and Zometa on Friday.

Hmmm . . . Kinda Nice to be on Disability!

The last couple of days, the reality of not having to work is starting to set in. I'm starting to think about what I can do. I don't feel much like reading and I've sorta had my fill of TV the last couple of months. So, my head is turning to home projects.

I've had some shadow boxes that I wanted to do mosaics in. So, I might start contemplating potential designs today. Dad has some plans for the yard and I feel like I can spare some brain cells to helping him think that through. And, since I've spent so much time at home and/or in hospitals lately, I haven't been eating out at lunch so have saved up some money. Some of that needs to be set aside for household expenses as I ran out of sick leave and am on disability but I think I will have enough to get stuff for the yard.

I also have a plan for the tumor in my chest. That area has been radiated twice and there's been surgery so the blood and lymph system feeding the tissue is compromised. That means that chemo and the Chinese herbs I take can't make their way very efficiently (or apparently at all) to the area where the tumor is to kill the cancer cells. I decided last night the thing to do was to apply a topical ointment that could kill the cancer and heal the skin. (Cancer retards healing.) So, my plan is to take my Five Mushroom blend (three of the mushrooms have anti-cancer properties) and turmeric (effective against skin cancers) and make a salve or ointment using aloe vera gel. I will soak some drain sponges in the concoction and apply it new every day. That way, I will feel like I'm doing SOMETHING to take care of that damn tumor. We will see what happens and I will keep you posted.

My right arm is less shaky and weak today. That's a good sign. I also feel less shaky on my feet. So I think I'm on the mend - the steroids are apparently helping with the swelling. They just give me some tummy issues but I think it's being taken care of with the acid reducer tabs.

All in all, things are good. It's nice not to have to worry about work!

House Projects

I haven't posted much these last few days. I've finished my mosaic - I put the sealant on it on Sunday.  I'll post a picture when I remember to do so.

Then, I started repainting my bedroom.  My dad and my brother painted it last year, but I never quite took to the color (a rosy color) - it was a compromise color with my former boyfriend. 

I hadn't intended to do all four walls at once - I figured one wall a day, but it went fairly quickly, so I decided to do the whole room.  I spent the last two days putting two coats of primer over it.  Whew.  A lot of work.

I picked out my new colors.  I decided that I would pretend that my bed is a beach chair or beach chaise lounge.  On two walls, it will look like sand on the bottom with a blue sky above it.  And, on the other two walls, it will be a darker blue sea with the same blue sky.  And, I might paint a sun in the southeast corner. 

Now, we'll see if I can pull it off.  I'll post pictures when finished!

Busy But Good Days

Since my last post, I've been busy. At work, I've been putting together a couple of proposals that are due March 29th and April 1st. I spent most of Thurs and Fri in email discussions about both of them. One is an internal OSU opportunity - it's a long shot for me because I think they usually target more advanced scholars (people who have published more), but I figure, what the heck? It's to help advance an idea of my friend in Hawaii . . .

The other is a proposal to help organize and manage all the King Island data that was collected over a few years. We had a lot of people recording data and now have had three or four maybe five trips going back to double-check data. So, it's all over the place and it's hard to put our fingers on something when we need it. It's involved a lot of discussion between interested parties - lots of emails and phone calls to make sure everyone's on the same page. This project has been hard in terms of trying to manage it; so many people have been doing a variety of work on it that I've lost track of where things are. I don't know that many of them appreciate how difficult it has been because other work activities crop up that need immediate attention. I think that next time (if there is a next time, LOL), I might hire a part-time (20 hour/week) person to keep track of just that project. That will be their sole responsibility. My problem has been that not only am I trying to manage the project - keeping track of about 7 or 8 people and the data they collected - I'm also trying to keep track of my own set of data on this project AND three or four other projects, each of them ranging in size from small (only I can do them) to large (collaborating with two other groups). For the latter project, I've also had four and will soon add another student working on it. They've all worked on pieces of it. I'm hoping my current Ph.D. student can get a handle on that data this term.

So, now that I've exhausted both you and me, I will report that to clear my head on Friday, I finished gluing the tiles onto my new mosaic. That took all evening - from about 3:30 to 8:30pm with only about an hour break for dinner. Now, it just needs to be grouted and also maybe put an edge on it. That may happen after Eddie and I go for a hike today with Cat and Kai and kiddos and furries (dogs, that is).

Yesterday, after lunch at a local pub with the fam, I took Eddie to the Family Fun Center in Wilsonville. He tried the "Sky Trail", which is an obstacle ropes course at least ten feet above the ground. He had one nerve-wracking part - he was wearing a harness so he wouldn't have fallen to the ground - but he made it through on his own. I called over an attendant to watch him the last half of the trail.









By the time we got home (we waited in line 30-45 minutes three times - twice for the Bumper Boats and once for the Sky Trail), I was tired. At least we got to go out into the sunshine and fresh air! Dinner was waiting for us when we got home - spaghetti! A lazy evening watching television rounded out the day.

Eddie is in the back on the right of this picture - twice, he chased girls around his age and squirted them in the boat.




So, today, a hike. Maybe grouting. Tomorrow, Eddie leaves to go to the coast with his dad for the night. I'll spend Mon and Tues finishing up these proposals. Maybe I'll work on one or both of them this evening if I'm feeling up to it. We'll see! We might get drizzle today, but the fresh air will still be good for us. I need to get this kind of work done this week because I expect that I'll be wiped out next week, after my next Herceptin treatment (just so you know - it sucks to have to plan your life and work around periods of good energy and known periods of fatigue - just so you know).

Happy Sunday!

Riding the Waves Mosaic

I started a new mosaic today. I'm tentatively calling it "Riding the Waves". It's a series of five waves on a beach - mainly because my heart rests at the ocean. If I could afford it, I would have my own place at the coast.

Anyway, the mosaic, as it's posted, is sideways. It will eventually be a bench to sit on the deck I also hope to build this summer.

Each wave represents a human member of our household - and our names are written in small beads around the top of each wave, in order of age going from left to right.

There are some tan-colored beads within the waves - a few garden bugs including a dragonfly (my dad's favorite), a ladybug, and something else. There are also words including faith, love, joy, laughter, and trust. I interspersed them in our waves as well. I took faith - to signify that I must have faith to heal myself. I put "laughter" in Eddie's wave.

There's a sun shining on our waves and also two rainbows in the sky.

I'm still working out the details . . . I hope to finish it soon!

Coming to Terms

A week or two ago, I was feeling a little sad about the limitations I have been experiencing with regard to playing volleyball and/or doing other activities in the evening. I was mad that I'm having to give up something I enjoy. I resented cancer for taking that away.

I'm trying to let go of that disappointment and sadness. It's sorta like regret for a past action - it's comparing myself now to what myself was a couple of years ago.

A lot of what I'm reading these days, like Deepak Chopra's "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul", Thich Naht Nanh's "The Miracle of Mindfulness", Ernest Holmes's "This Thing Called You", Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love", and Cheryl Richardson's "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace", advise people to learn to live in the moment, to be aware of what you're doing, to be present, etc. Also, in the book "Anticancer" by David Servan-Schreiber, the author states that cancer thrives in an inflammatory "terrain" (that is, your body). He advocates a variety of activities that are designed to counteract the inflammation that cancer likes, which include diet, physical activity, a healthy emotional state, and a peaceful, serene environment.

So, with that in mind, I'm letting go of the disappointment - that emotion doesn't need to stay in my body to increase the inflammation. I decided this morning that I needed to focus instead on the positive and on what really matters, my priorities. At this particular moment, my focus is on my health, my family, and my work.

I'm excited about the things that I'm reading about health and spirituality. I'm trying to incorporate some if not most of the strategies discussed in the books. It's interesting reading and it makes me think about a lot of things. It's not only interesting for my health but also from an anthropological perspective. I can probably use some of what I'm learning for work-related research. The book Anticancer seems to corroborate what the UW immunotherapy trial is trying to do.

I'm also excited about my family: I've enjoyed having my folks and my brother in the house. I never particularly liked living alone and now that they are here and we've adjusted to the new living situation, it's nice. Dad has been doing work on the yard; mom and dad have been cooking (yay!); my brother's around to help with computer stuff and we watch NCIS together. So, projects are underway here - and I finally finally finished grouting my mosaic and I put sealant on it tonight. It may soon be in my yard on the pedestal! Now, on to the next art project: I found out the other day that the Alaska Native Tribal Health Consortium is coordinating a beadwork quilt in which cancer survivors bead squares as part of the design. I think I may work on that. Eddie is also doing well in school; he enjoys having my family around. My parents' dog is sleeping with him, too. He likes that.

And, I finally got my head into work. There's a lot of things going on with my department (mostly good), and several of my projects are moving forward. I still have to work on two particular projects which enabled me to have this term off. But there's been good news - I have a fellowship for next winter that buys me out of two classes - I will use the time to work on a book. I'm excited about my research projects . . . now I just need time to work on them!

In the end, it's a matter of using my energy to heal and to enjoy life. I still enjoy life if I don't play volleyball. Volleyball isn't the only thing enjoyable about life. So, focus on what I can do and what I enjoy and what I'm excited about. It's all good.

I have great friends!

I had a productive day - worked on that article, repotted plants, worked on the mosaic, then played softball. We won 16-14! Not through any singular effort on my part - I walked once and got out another time and didn't have any defensive plays. But it was still fun and nice to get out there!

I wondered if I would get short of breath when I ran and I didn't, so that's a good thing. I can't throw as far as I used to, though, because of the radiation and surgery to my right side. My right shoulder is tight, but my partner is going to help loosen that up.

Scott and I made a goof on the mosaic last week - after putting the grout on it, we (or I) didn't take the time to wipe the damp grout off the tiles. So, the grout dried on the tiles and now we've just spent 5 or 6 hours this week-end trying to scrap the damn stuff off the tiles so that you can see the design. It's hard, painstaking work. Scott's doing the bulk of the work - my arthritic fingers get sore faster and I don't quite have the strength that he does. We were encouraged, though, by seeing the tiles pop out again. As long as we can see the results of our labor, we can keep going. We should only have another hour or two left - you can see the tiles with grout still on them on the bottom of this picture. (Actually, the picture is kinda cool - the light was shining through some trees and highlighted one of the two "galaxies" in the design - see it on the right side?) Then, I need to regrout a few areas. Then seal it. Chalk this one up to "live and learn". I've never done a mosaic before . . .



A couple of lurkers read my post today and sent me emails . . . saying that they are visualizing, too. Thanks to all of you, too!

I enjoyed chatting with my friends at the ball game and last night, we played cards and had fun. One of my good friend's daughter's husband said last night, "At our last game, something seemed to be missing and I realized, you weren't there!" He missed me, apparently, and said something like, "it's just not softball without Dee!".

Scott also did some massage work on me today - he was getting ready for his practicum test. Did I say he was in massage school? Anyway, I thought I should only take an hour, but it felt really good, so we went another 30 minutes and he worked on my calves and feet.

I have great friends, you know? Thank you everyone!

News on the Mosaic "Letting Go"

I started this project last June, shortly after I broke a bunch of plates in an attempt to bodily let go of a lot of anger I've been harboring for years.

My dad and Gooey created the pedestal last July.







In August, my friend Rick came over and cut out the circle of the MSD board for the base of the mosaic. Then, Scott helped me sand both sides and the edges of the board.

Scott and I also started to glue down the tiles and shards to the board but we only got a little bit done before fall/winter set in. Then it was too cold or wet to work in the garage.




We finally started working on it last month. We got the basic design completed.

Here's Scott cutting tiles.



Here's the basic design.



This is what it looks like after I put in the white tile yesterday.



Today, I grout it. Then, I plan to put a sealant over it. I also need to find some metal stripping for the edge. I read that you can find some that curves.

I'm hoping it's all ready to go on the pedestal by next week-end. That'll get it out of the garage, where it's taking up a lot of room. Yay!

Mosaic

We had gorgeous weather today - sunny and a high of about 70 or so. So, I convinced Scott to work on my mosaic, which will go in my backyard this summer. If you remember, last June, I broke a bunch of plates in an effort to let go of any repressed anger. I then decided to take some of the shards to make a mosaic that I entitled, in my head, "Letting Go". The idea is that the center of the piece (my center) would be blue, which represents calm and peace to me. Blue's my favorite color, too. Then, there would be arms of color (like a spiral galaxy) that would go from blue, to green, to tan, to brown, and then red. The red represents the anger that I'm shedding. You can see the red floating off into space.

The first shot was where we left the project last August - it just has the blue center. (Sorry, we left tools and my diet pepsi there.)



The second shot shows how much we were able to finish today. We got all the arms of the spiral completed and then Scott got an idea to use these spotted pieces to create a galaxy, surrounding a blue center. There's another blue centered galaxy in-between a couple of the spiral arms.



The next time we work on it, we will fill in with white and create a border. Then, I guess we grout the whole thing, cover it with a sealant (I think) and then it'll be ready to set outside! Cool, huh?

Busy busy busy

Again, I've been off the internet the past few days and so I haven't blogged.

In general, I'm doing well emotionally. Friday was a busy day . . . I had a couple of appointments and coffee with a friend, then I decided to take Eddie to the Marion County Fair that afternoon (it was probably a bit too much and too hot, but he had fun), then I had dinner at my colleague, Nancy's house. She made curry chicken, salad, carrots, and rice. Very yummy!!

Saturday, I went up to Portland and hung out with Scott. We had coffee, then he got his hair cut, then lunch with his daughter, then they had an appointment, then dinner and watch a movie at his place. A relaxing day and it was hot out.

On Sunday, I had coffee with Scott, then came home, picked up Eddie, and we went to my former grad student's daughter's 2nd birthday party, then I had a softball game. Again, it was hot.

Today, I had acupuncture, a meeting with my undergrad research assistant Emily, radiation, and then lunch with another former grad student. It's hot again today - at least 90 and it was only forecast to get to 85. I will play volleyball this evening - I hope it cools down some!

Physically, the skin under my arm and under the breast area is really tender and when I take the dressings off, the tape tends to take a very thin layer of skin off with it, making it even more tender.

And, I have been struggling off and on the past two weeks from tummy problems. Not nausea, necessarily, but more a loss of appetite and when I do eat, I often feel bloated and uncomfortable until I can burp. My acupuncture treated it today . . . I think it made a bit of a difference after lunch today. I didn't feel as bloated. She did say to drink peppermint tea with a bit of ginger in it to help with digestion. Also, I need to avoid heavy foods (no red meats), dairy, shellfish, sugary foods and raw vegetables. So, today for lunch, I had chicken skewers and a salad. I think it made a difference.

I may not be blogging much over the next few days .. . my family and I had to Lincoln City for three nights and three days. We rented a 3-bedroom house with a hot tub on the deck (which I can't go in, but oh well), and a foos ball table and an ice hockey table. Looking forward to cooling down at the coast . . .

In the meantime, my dad and Gooey are building my mosaic platform. Now I need to get to designing it!! Will post pictures of the mosaic and their process of making it after it's completed!