Haven't fallen off the face of the earth

I have been busy the last couple of days. Went to Eddie's swim lesson, then lunch with friends, then two appointments. Overdid it in the heat.

Today, I had an eye appointment and the doctor kindly changed out my contacts for me since my fingers are shaky and numb. Offered to do it again next month if I need it.

Then I had a nice long visit with one of my oldest friends, Paula. We have known each other 25 years. Her visit buoyed my spirits. She took me to my appointment, too.

It got too hot today, so dad and Scott will put our air conditioners in tomorrow as I can't survive the weekend in that kind of heat.

Still trying to find a balance with the new fentanyl patch dose, dilaudid, and constipation. Haven't hit the right balance yet.

Lymphedema in my arm is worse in the heat.

Two more arm radiation appointments. I think I am getting more energy, but it is slow work.I have much to be thankful for, including a wonderful care team, friends, family, and colleagues. Thank you everyone!

Beautiful Sunny Day

I have not been blogging much lately - it's just been busy, between appointments, work, and going away for the week-end. I had a Herceptin treatment yesterday morning - was there for three hours - and am dealing with some fatigue and lower back pain (kidneys processing the drug). My legs felt shaky this morning, like they were weak, but I don't know why.

I'm feeling okay at the moment. It helps that it's sunny. I need to get out and enjoy it, but after I eat a good lunch with veggies.

I have a lot of work to do, little things like article and proposal reviews, plus two research projects, and a couple of my own proposals to work on. I'm feeling miffed because I need to get this work done, but my energy is kinda low. I'm also feeling miffed because I have a volleyball match tonight but I won't play because of the fatigue. I'm just miffed at the fatigue. I'm trying to be mindful and take care of myself and not overtax my energy. But it's a fine balance between taking care of business (i.e., I do have a full time job) and taking care of myself.

I'm also miffed because I don't like having lots of demands on my time. I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. But the world doesn't work like that. A few weeks ago, I talked about how I didn't quite have the focus at work and I think it relates to having the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it.

I just read this section at the end of Chopra's book "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul" that relates to encouraging your own sense of timelessness. In our society, we always talk about how we don't have enough time. Chopra says that we need to remember that tasks get done when they get done and that they take as long as they have to take to complete it. There's no sense in stressing about making things happen faster. I've been gradually getting to this point where I try not to stress about all the different work projects or home projects that need to be done. They'll get done. It doesn't matter when. It's part of learning how to go with the flow. I like that freedom.

This past week-end, when we were in Brookings, I enjoyed going with the flow.

What bothers me about work is that I have to be in class at a certain time on a certain day. Or a meeting. That irritates me because I'd rather be able to say, "hey, this week isn't good for me for teaching a class - how about we all schedule it for next Tuesday at 2pm?" Wouldn't that be great?

Part of my dislike of being scheduled is that my medical appointments are so highly scheduled. Because of that, I want the rest of my life to be UNscheduled. That is why, to some extent, I haven't signed Eddie up for music lessons or sports or whatever. It's just too stressful - and there's some research that talks about how stressful it is for kids to be scheduled all the time - they need the free flow of play to help their creative/imaginative sides. I wish I could say to my medical team, "hey, I'm in the middle of writing right now - I have a good flow going - can we reschedule for tomorrow?"

Wouldn't it be great if we all had that sense of freedom and timelessness? : )

A Decent Monday

I had a zometa treatment today and should find out my tumor markers in the next couple of days.

I then saw my acupuncturist - I always feel better afterwards - part of my treatment today had to do with the issue that I wrote about last week and for which I couldn't be too open. Continuing to grow and learn there.

Then had lunch with a new friend and colleague from Zoology - we were brainstorming a one-credit class that we could teach in the spring. It's always fun to talk about the world of ideas - and in this case, we are thinking of doing a class around marine ecology and looking for ways that western science and indigenous knowledge intersect. It's really cool to have a western scientist interested in indigenous knowledge!! There was this energy in our conversation that involves the joy of learning new things and a willingness to step outside of one's comfort level. That's really cool.

Other than that, I've really been enjoying hanging out with Eddie. He's been a real pleasure - telling jokes and doing chores. He enjoyed playing in the leaves yesterday. I'm proud of him. And, I "love him big bit". : )

Able to Catch a Breather

Whew. I managed to grade papers and write a proposal review. I can kinda relax this evening. I might write a few emails trying to drum up some potential interviewees. I need to skim/read a paper or two. Etc Etc Etc

But I plan to race my son on MarioKart wii. Take him to BK for dinner.

Tomorrow, we go to Shriner's Hospital for a routine check-up - Eddie walks on his arch because his ankles are not really strong. I'm not really expecting too much - the doctor is of the opinion that Eddie is not really harming his foot bones or muscles and maybe eventually, as he gains strength, they may become normal.

So, the idea is to go to Shriners - bring dad with us - then have lunch and go to an arcade, then go visit my friend Andrew and his new baby Alma - Alma's mom will be at work. Eddie and dad will head home and then I'll hang out with Scott for a bit before going to a dinner at NAYA - the Native American Youth Association Gala dinner.

A busy and long day tomorrow. Resting up tonight is in order, huh? Happy Friday everyone!

Appointments

In the first two months of 2009, out of a total of 59 days, I had 16 medical appointments on 15 days. In other words, on 25.4% of the last 59 days, I had medical appointments. I did not count the 3+ days I was in the hospital for surgery.

Compare that to last year, when I had appointments on 125 out of 366 days (about 34.1%), and I'm doing much better! More of my time is spent in living my life and less to my health.

Now, I don't regret that time spent on my health. I think it was a good investment of my time as I seem to be doing really well. But it is nice to be thinking more about my son, my family, my work, and my friends than about my health. The change of pace is welcome!

It also doesn't mean that I'm ignoring my health. To the contrary, I will continue to practice qigong, see my acupuncturist, do my follow-up appointments, watch what I eat (could always do better), etc. But that becomes habit and doesn't take front stage anymore.

And, that's a good thing! Happy March 1st!

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

We finally got snow yesterday evening and last night - maybe about an inch and a half all together. There's no school today! It would've been nice to sleep in, but Eddie's dad called at 6:19am and woke me out of a sound sleep to tell me that school's been canceled. That woke Eddie up. I tried to have the two of us go back to sleep, but no luck. We got up at 7:10am and I admit to being cranky.

In the meantime, it's partly sunny, windy, and about 21 degrees out. I heard that it might get up to the mid- to high-30s today. I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon at 10:45; I was supposed to have lunch with another mom from Eddie's class and then meet with my grad student this afternoon, but the latter two may be canceled. Luckily, I do have work here that I can do - drafting my winter term syllabi and writing an abstract for the Norway conference.

So, it's back to my "week" mode - the one where I expect to be alone, but busy, and am therefore feeling okay about life again. Even thankful. That's what I need to remember - Scott tried to remind me of that the other day when we did get to see each other for a bit. He said, "At least we got to hang out together for a couple of hours!". I should've focused on that. It's a matter of making a conscious choice to be happy with what you do have not focus on what you don't. It is a choice that you can make each day you wake up. Hard to remember to do, I know. I think the more you do it, though, the easier it gets.

Happy Monday!

Holiday Bazaar and Other News

As you may or may not know, my dad and mom and I spent our day at the holiday bazaar on Saturday. No one bought our beaded stuff, but my mom was able to sell some of her crocheted items. So, it was a success and it was fun. I figured if I didn't sell what I made, I could give it away as Christmas gifts. So . . . not a wasted effort.

I see Dr. K, my oncologist, tomorrow, my acupuncturist on Wednesday, and then Z-Day is on Friday (when I get Zometa and Zoladex). Last year, my bilateral mastectomy was on Nov 16 and I think I found out on Nov 21 that the pathologist found cancer cells throughout the tissue on the cancerous right side. I was still recovering from surgery on Turkey Day - I was still nauseous from the anesthesia and the morphine. I'm looking forward to a better one this year!

I continue to have decent energy and last night, I slept really well, too. Things are going well with Scott - we've been able to work through some issues fairly well, I think. My family's okay. We'll have 15 people - maybe 17 - at my sister's house on Thursday. Should be fun!

This week at work I hope to finish making changes to the placenames spreadsheet and to make revisions to a paper. Next week, I want to tackle submitting the article I just wrote to a journal. I contacted Polar Geography, but they haven't responded. Time to go to Plan C. It's week 8 for Fall Term - two more weeks of classes and then Finals Week.

Life is good! I really have no complaints.

I'm happy. Can you tell? ; )

A Day of Phone Calls

Yesterday, on top of my annual eye appointment, a teleconference call, and a meeting with my undergrad research assistant, I received the following phone calls:

- from my acupuncturist's office reminding me of Thursday's appointment
- from my oncologist's office reminding me of today's appointment
- from my wound care office asking me to switch Wednesday's appointment from the morning to the afternoon
- from the dentist's office asking to reschedule my son's appointment in November
- from my dad reminding me that he needed to borrow my car on Wednesday
- from my former grad student, Brenda, who is doing some searches of archives related to Alaskan Statehood; we made an appointment for lunch to go over some questions she has
- from the mom of one of Eddie's classmates - she has started delivering me dinners on Thursdays since school started; we need to get caught up, so we're having lunch tomorrow
- from Scott, who was home with his daughter who just had two of her wisdom teeth pulled

Then, I made a couple of phone calls - one to my brother to get his work hours, which I then called to my office manager, and then to someone I worked for years ago to get a referral.

And, oh yeah, my friend, Rick (no, not George) is chopping down the pie cherry tree in my backyard, so he was over at my neighbor's house to take care of those limbs in the neighbor's yard. I helped with some of the clean-up afterwards.

Whew.

And, today, I have counseling, then another teleconference call, lunch with a colleague, and a check-up with my oncologist.

Why all the activity? Part of it is just the reality of being a metastatic breast cancer patient with several appointments each week. Then, add on top of that, "normal" appointments like the eye appointment or the dentist. And, I am back on contract at work - my sabbatical is officially over- which means more appointments there. Sigh. Actually, I should say, "darnit!"

At least, the weather's gorgeous. No complaints there! Hope everyone has a great day . . . hopefully without appointments!! LOL