Doing fine and okay

The infusion of gemzar was fine. No nausea, which is what I was afraid of. Tired and I guess that next week I will ne tireder, but I am doing fine and okay. Thank you everyone for your love and support. Let's hope It does the trick.

Going Out In Public

I have found myself very reluctant to go out in public in the past week or so. I've thought about this in the last day or so and I think I know why.

The neurosurgeon shaved my head last week - to even out my hair - so I'm back to wearing hats.

I also wear a compression sleeve on my left arm.

Then, there's unicorn boob (chest tumor) that sticks out about 1 to 1.5 inches near the center of my chest - it sticks out father than the TRAM flap.

And, then, there's the diarrhea that seems worse in the morning. As I type, my fingers are a bit shaky.

Finally, I have been preoccupied since Friday about skin mets - I think that the areas that aren't healing have cancer cells in them preventing growth. So, I've been doing a little research trying to figure out what I can do post WBR (whole brain radiation) to get that under control as I want the wounds to heal.

I am really sick and tired of wounds. I have two of them right now.

For some reason, the compression wrap seems to bring the most questions from strangers. With my friends and colleagues, I just have to say, "I'm wearing this so that I can decrease the lyphedema". But with strangers, it invites more questions about why I have lymphedema. On Friday, the clerk at Freddies then went on to tell about her cancer scare and how she's got to go in for a biopsy soon - it wasn't breast, but another organ. I don't want to talk about or comfort someone else right now. I'm too preoccupied about what's going to have to happen next.

My dad has told me twice not to worry too much into the future - just get through this week's surgery and the WBR beginning next week. But I sorta feel like I need to look up options so I can bring them to Dr. K on Wednesday. I want to be prepared for the next leg.

I am so preoccupied that I haven't felt like working on mosaics or the blogger analysis. I am also worried about getting another infection on the chest tumor site after surgery - I am to shower with Hibiclens Wed evening and Thurs morning, but I can't shower because of the wound in my armpit. So, I need to talk to a nurse about how to adequately clean (because while I showered the night before the April 1 surgery - or that morning, I only did it once and I don't recall really using that stuff very much, so I'm afraid that's why I ended up with such a huge infection afterwards). The chest tumor also bleeds when I change the dressing, so I'm worried about needing a transfusion.

So, I guess I'm full of anxiety and worry. I will call the surgeon today about making sure they are prepared for a transfusion. I will call the admitting nurse about showering with Hibiclens. I need to call Disability and see what is going on with my claim, I need to change an appointment and preregister for the surgery.

Once I make all these phone calls, I hope I can settle down and do something more positive and productive.

Oh, one thing I found about the skin mets - I will probably have to do a taxane. I found a bulletin board where someone posted a Japanese study that included a drug that I've not heard of but is an estrogen blocker with paclitaxel. I think there were only four treatments of the latter and 120 days of pills with the former (called toremedine, I think), but in the case they treated, the skin mets disappeared and stayed away from the woman for two years as of the writing of the article.

Writing about it all helps. I don't mind visitors coming to visit me at home. I just don't feel like going out in public and talking to complete strangers about what's going on with me. Maybe once unicorn boob is removed, I'll feel more up to doing something outside the home.

It was an "A" Day today - and Work!

As I mentioned last weekend, my new chemo cycle is

Week 1 HAZ - Herceptin, Abraxane, Zometa
Week 2 A - Abraxane
Week 3 HA - Herceptin, Abraxane
Week 4 Whew! - no treatment!

So, today was an "A" Day. It was fine. The appointment went long since we had to wait almost an hour for the labs. When I was finished, it was time for lunch, so my folks and I went to Appleby's.

Then I went to my office and met with one of my grad students. A very good meeting.

Then I had to talk to my office manager/accounting guru about a variety of budget-related topics.

Then back to my office to try to find a file that I haven't been able to find for several days. I also had to talk to my friend and colleague in Hawaii about some of the budget stuff and I searched for the file while I talked to her.

And, then!!! I found a file I had been missing for months!!! And, then, about 10-15 minutes later, I found the newer-lost file!! Both were in a drawer I had searched multiple times. I told her that talking to her helped me find the files and then she mentioned that they found their way back to this dimension from another one. I told her that I needed her help to open a portal between the dimensions! Hee hee! For me, I think the steroids I had in my pre-meds had kicked in.

I picked up Eddie about 30 minutes after that and I was fairly silly.

Yep, steroids. That's my story and I'm stick in' to it!

What's the Plan, man?

I talked to Dr. K today about what our next course of action is. He tried to get hold of Dr. D at UW all day today, to no avail. I also saw Dr. F, the surgeon, today, as well as the wound care nurse.

The wound care nurse saw the tissue forming in the wound and said that it did look cancerous - it's bumpy and doesn't look healthy at all.

I showed Dr. F the new nodule I felt yesterday - it's growing behind my armpit/shoulder, so it appears as if the cancer is trying to move to my back. He felt it was new since two weeks ago.

Dr. K definitely feels that we should add something to the mix - and with the new nodule, I agree (I think I have a total of 15-16 nodules in and around the wound). I asked if it should be Herceptin and he said that that would make sense.

So, tomorrow, when I go in for treatment, I will have Abraxane, Zometa, and Herceptin. Herceptin makes sense - if Abraxane is knocking out those lovely Herminator-2 cells (which attack the Her-2 positive cancer), then my arsenal doesn't have the tools to fight the Her-2 positive cancer. Herceptin can do that. Maybe that's the ingredient that will knock out the nodules for good.

In other words, it's an A to Z day tomorrow - or maybe now I should call it an "AHZ" Day or a "ZAH" Day or a "HAZ" day. Hey, I like "HAZ", short for "hazard". This combo will be a hazard to the chemo cells. Yeeeaaaahhh, I like that. Okay, HAZ, time to do your stuff! Let's knock our these nodules once and for all!

Plastic Surgery Is in My Future

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I thought the plan with the wound in my armpit was to allow the chemo to kill the cancer, so then the good healthy tissue could start rebuilding new tissue in my armpit. And, when chemo kills more of the cancer, the surgeon would debride the dead tissue away, making it a better environment for new tissue growth.

Well, I guess that's not the case. The surgeon, Dr. F, didn't want to resect (remove) the dead tissue surgically because it was attached to too many other structures (muscles, etc.). But today, after he took a look at the wound, there was a lot more dead tissue. He feels that I'm responding to the chemotherapy treatment rather well. He removed a lot more dead tissue. And, now the whole area in the armpit is "loose", meaning that it's not attached to the structures underneath. This means it will be easier to resect. The whole area is about 6" x 8" big.

Dr. F asked how long my course of chemo would be. Dr. K planned for me to have two months worth (3 weeks on, one week off). Dr. F felt that at that point, there would be enough cancer/tissue death for surgery to remove all the dead tissue. But since the area is so large, we would need to use a "lat flap" (tissue from my shoulder blade area) to replace the tissue in my armpit. That tissue will probably never come back on its own. That was something I guess I didn't understand before.

(My red blood cell counts were rather low and they were talking about doing a blood transfusion, but I guess it isn't low enough, so no transfusion. I also haven't had many side effects yet from Abraxane - just fatigue. My stomach gurgled a bit last night. Some constipation from the anti-nausea meds. But it's doable. We'll see next week what happens with my hair.)

So, sometime before Christmas, after two rounds of Abraxane and a couple of weeks to get my blood counts up, I will probably have tumor resection in my armpit, followed by plastic surgery to replace that tissue. I hope at the same time that Dr. H (the plastic surgeon) will be able to make my boobs level again (i.e., probably lower the left implant a bit) and take the corner off the scar at my belt line.

I am getting used to the idea of this surgery - Dr. F mentioned it last week, but at that point, it was hypothetical. But now it looks like it's reality.

I kinda wondered in the back of my mind about the amount of tissue death and if my body would be able to repair such a huge hole. So, I guess I know now.

I'm kinda relieved, to tell you the truth. I'm supposed to go to a workshop in Hawaii in February. This means that I will be able to go into the ocean! Because I won't have an open wound!!! This means I may only have an open wound for two more months!!! Even better!!!!