UW Clinical Trial

A quick update on the week's previous post: the grant was submitted on Thursday, on time. And, I felt relatively normal on Friday - not that bone tired, eye droopy fatigued.

I'm on my way north - we head to my Aunt Judy's tonight for dinner and then afterwards, Eddie and I will stay with an old high school buddy of mine, S. I worked for S's dad for almost three years (my next longest job, after my current job). We talked on the phone for 90 minutes - like the intervening 25 or 26 years hadn't happened! Wow.

But, if truth be told, I'm a little anxious, too. I reread the protocol and treatment plan for this clinical trial last night. One question was: What is the safe upper amount for t-cell infusions? So, they will grow millions of my t-cells (either the same as or similar to white blood cells) after they have been "primed" by the vaccine and give them back to me. In theory, since they are your own cells and they are geared specifically to attach the type of cancer cell I'm getting, I shouldn't have many side effects - in fact, none are listed. But does that mean they don't know (as that is one of the study questions) or that they are pretty sure nothing will happen (about 60 patients have had similar procedures done to them at this reseach group), but need to "prove" it on real patients? Also, they grow millions of my own cells using blood products from donated blood - so there's a very slight chance that I could get a virus or bacterial infection.

Although I was tired last night, I could get to sleep. But I kept telling myself to live in the moment, don't look too far ahead, just enjoy the day and the trip up north to Seattle. And, I reminded myself that I learned about this opportunity from my doctor in January - and he had just heard about it the week or two before, so he knew the contact person, I happened to fit the criteria and he felt that I would be a "perfect" patient for this since I was relatively healthy, and then things kinda fell into place - the travel dates, my taking leave from work, and the travel funds. So, it's meant to be. That "unmistakable touch of grace" that Cheryl Richardson talked about in her book: which is this idea that opportunities are placed in your path all the time, the trick is to learn how to recognize them and go for it because it will take you to good place you never would have considered before.

I fell asleep shortly thereafter. Okay, got to pack the car! ...

S, see ya soon! : )

Finally - Inspiration!

I stayed up rather late last night reading the book "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace". I'm still not doing a great job with meditation, but as I went to sleep, I did try to take some deep breaths. I've been needing to write up a summary of some interviews I've conducted over the past year and I just couldn't get to it. I think I said yesterday somewhere that I needed "inspiration". I went to sleep thinking that thought (along with a couple of other thoughts) and this morning, as I woke up, I thought some more about this summary. I started thinking about the title and once I got the title in my head, I figured out how to write it. You wanna hear the title?

State of Ambivalence: The Inupiaq View of Alaska Statehood

The bottom line is that most people living in rural Alaska were not informed of the whole statehood process and so were not told what the implications would be for Alaska Natives. The only people who knew about the lead-up to statehood were those who were in BIA or missionary high schools or whose parents talked about it beforehand (only two or three cases of that). Afterwards, most said, when asked, whether statehood was good for Alaska Natives, the answer was "yes and no" - yes because of increased access to education in rural Alaska and no because the state imposed regulations on subsistence rights and took away some of Native-held lands.

Hmm. I really like that title.

The Unmistakable Touch of Grace

I'm reading a book entitled "The Unmistakable Touch of Grace" by Cheryl Richardson. While I'm sometimes uncomfortable with the Christian undertones as well as how commercial her website is (which is why I didn't provide a link to it), I do like what she has to say in the book. The gist of the book is to learn how to recognize when the Divine or the powers that be place messages or opportunities in your path and then to take that path. The path may not always lead you the way you think it's going to, but in the end, it's will contribute to your spiritual growth.

After I was in Hawaii last month (Renee and I had several conversations regarding spirituality), I decided that I should go on a meditation retreat. About a week and a half ago, I mentioned it to a friend and she said that she'd go on one with me. Then, two nights ago, as I read "Touch of Grace", the author mentioned that her work life had become very successful but also too busy, so she decided that after she honored her professional commitments, she'd slow down. One of the first things she did was to go on a meditation retreat. My colleague today told me that she'd take me to this Zen meditation group that meets on Sunday mornings. Just now as I was reading the blog of another cancer blogger (Chris at The Edge of Light), she said that she just started a meditation class.

Hmm. Do ya think the world is trying to tell me something?

Also, while I was in Hawaii, I really connected with turtles. Every time I went into a shop, things with turtles in them caught my eye. I bought turtle earrings, Renee got me a turtle bookmark, I bought a carved bone pendant with a mother turtle carrying a baby turtle on its back (it reminded me of Inupiat umaqqing which is when a mother carries her child on her back), and I bought gifts for family members with turtles. Upon my return home, one of my grad students was wearing a turtle pendant that she bought in Hawaii. Then, on Facebook, someone thanked one of my friends for the turtle necklace and I just happened the read that post. Then, the day before I went to Alaska, I stopped at a stoplight behind a car with, yes, you guessed it, a turtle decal in the window.

Hmm. Do ya think the world is trying to tell me something?

I think the world is trying to tell me to slow down (hence the turtle) and one of my friends this morning also told me that the turtle represents a long life (I like that interpretation, too!). The world is also telling me that my path to slowing down is to do meditation.

What's your take on it?