Note to self: Worrying Doesn't Make Things Better

A couple of weeks ago, when I had lunch with Cat and Kai, I told them about the news of my lungs spots and how I decided that I shouldn't worry about them. I guess I didn't realize that I was still worried about them and how much I was looking to the tumor markers to help me figure out what's going on. If the tumor markers are low and stay low, then I wasn't going to worry. But the fact that the CEA has risen a little bit has me worried.

At the time of the lunch, Cat said in response to my comment, "Yes, it's good not to borrow trouble." I'm reading Andrew Weil's book on "Spontaneous Healing" and he also mentions the power of positive thinking and how negative thinking often makes things worse.

So . . . time to stop worrying and to start enjoying the prospect of going to Norway! I'm trying to imagine all the work I can get done on the plane, without the distractions of my family, my son, my partner, students, work, bills, etc. I'm also trying to imagine how fun it will be to meet other people working on similar issues of placenames and language.

Okay, I'll find out the CA15-3 results and get back to you. Happy Thursday!

Trying not to read anything into the number . . . and a cancer rant

I got the results of my CEA today - the CA15-3 won't be ready until tomorrow because they have to send it out. At any rate, the CEA was 1.9. Anything less than 3.8 is considered normal.

However, even when the cancer was at its worst last February 2008, when we discovered the skin and bone mets, my CEA was still only 1.2 (that was in January). It never got higher than 1.2 until this March 2009, when it was 1.4, then last month, it was 1.6. It's creeping up a little bit.

From what I've read, the jury's out as to whether or not the CEA is a good measure of cancer activity; it works better for some patients than it does for others. The CA15-3 is considered to be more sensitive.

I'll get the CA15-3 results tomorrow, which may be a more reliable measure. I've been distracted all day because it's higher - didn't really feel like teaching today, but I had to. It was good to teach though - got my mind on other things. But it certainly has affected my mood today. I guess it doesn't help that I'm tired today - stayed up past 11pm working on a grant proposal and watching TV. I did, however, get a good 3 1/2 hours sleep before waking, then got another 1 1/2, then another 1 1/2, so it was okay - just not long enough.

Need to get to bed at a more decent hour, shortly after Idol is over. Until then, I need to: grade three sets of papers and edit my little grant proposal. Oh, and balance the ol' checkbook. Laundry's washing, so that tomorrow, all I have to do is pack.

Remind me not to travel during classes. It always seems to add more work. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today between housework and grading papers, wishing I could put off the Norway trip until June. On the other hand ... if the tumor markers are up, that might mean changing my treatment regimen and I might not be able to .. .

Okay, got to stop that negative thinking .. .

The Cheeky Librarian today posted a link to someone's cancer rant . .. she made a lot of good points (I assume it's a she, but they're not sure who the author is) and it sorta fits my mood, so I'm posting the link here:



UPDATE: I found a site that discusses the CEA ... I feel a bit better after reading that. A rising CEA can also be caused by an infection, which fits what I think might be going on with those lung spots. I still have that slight cough. But . . . some nagging doubt still remains.

Think positive thoughts, right?

Eddie using the Wiimote to play the Wii

I snapped a few pics of Eddie playing his Wii. I used our iMac's lovely built in camera. It's much quicker!

Does he look like he's enjoying himself? : )

Z-Day Today - Tumor Marker Results Tomorrow and Upcoming Norway Travel

I had my zometa treatment today - nothing remarkable to report, other than the nurse had to stick me a second time to draw blood for my labs. If you remember, zometa keeps my bones strong.

I also treated myself to a hair cut and a pedicure. She then styled my hair and asked whether or not I'd like it straightened or curly. Since it always has a slight curl/wave to it, I asked her to straighten it. In general, I like what she did - and for some reason, my hair feels less heavy and has more movement. The only thing I don't like is that it makes my face look wide. It emphasizes my face more, I guess, and I don't think that's a good thing (trying to be realistic here), especially since my face, particularly my chin, has been breaking out lately.

Here's my hair from the front.



Of course, I only picked the most flattering picture. And, here's what it looks at in the back.




Another view of the back. Whaddya think?



My toes are a nice light orangey-red. Spring colors, for sure.

The nurse said I could call for my results tomorrow. I'm curious about them. I don't expect them to be higher - in fact, I think they'll be in the same range.

But . . . I'm preparing myself just the same. Even at their worst, though, my marker was a 36 and that was with both bb-sized spots in my bones and in my skin. Anything over 33 is suspect. I have heard of people, whose blogs I follow, having their numbers get up to over 200, in one case, and over 70 in another.

In other news, I'm heading to Guovdageaidnu/Kautokeino, Norway, on Friday. My flight is Portland to Neward to Oslo, where I land on Sat morning at 9am. I hang out in Oslo for the day then I fly to Alta, then drive 130 km to Guovdageaidnu, which is directly south of Alta, near the border with Finland, from what I can tell. I was going to say it was near the border of Sweden, but the Finland border is SOUTH. That's because Norway hangs a hood north of Sweden and Finland, if that makes any sense. I will be meeting with a few other colleagues (one from South Africa, one from Hawaii, one from Greenland, and the organizer) to plan an indigenous placenames conference in 2010. Most, if not all, of us are indigenous. The trip is being paid for by a grant from the Norwegian government.

I'm starting to get excited. I'm going to miss Eddie and Scott, of course, but this will be really really cool, professionally speaking. Well, personally, too, as I do enjoy traveling. We will meet several days, then take an excursion or two through the countryside, and meet with students and have a kind of seminar on indigenous placenames. I arrive home on the 17th. I might try to move that flight so that I get home earlier. We'll see if it's doable, though.

I've got some stuff to do beforehand, but I'm not feeling particularly stressed - it's all doable, in other words.

Have I ever mentioned that I love my work? ;o)

Wii and Mii

As I mentioned before, Eddie got a Wii last week. I played a few games with him on Friday - namely baseball, tennis, and bowling - and I got to admit that the twisting for baseball and tennis made my abdomen sore. It'd been feeling mostly normal - there were times when I didn't notice it - but now it feels a bit tender and slightly bruised. Oops. I guess I overdid it.

Good thing I've missed softball practice - I just get too busy doing other things. I need to get out there but a few more weeks of allowing my abdomen to heal is in order, I think.

The Wii, however, is fun. I'd like to get a Wii fit . . .

As my friend said, "That's just so wrong!" OR Pubes on the Boob - LOL

Ya ready for this?

I have a few pubic hairs growing on the upper medial quadrant of my TRAM flap.

Yep, you heard me right. P-U-B-I-C hairs.

Yikes.

A noticed a few hairs a couple of weeks ago, but since there were only a few (3 or 4 maybe), I decided not to really think about it anymore.

But last week, as I tried on new bras that could uplift the TRAM flap side a bit (especially since the implant side has not yet dropped), I noticed more. It's a section maybe an inch and a half long and a quarter to a half inch wide. Most of the little hairs are pretty thin and light, but there are a few that are more noticeable.

Now the upper part of my TRAM flap used to be below my belly button - when the doctor took the abdominal tissue, he basically spun it around like hands on a clock to place it on my chest.

I googled the situation last Friday and found that this isn't all that uncommon. It does happen in a few cases. I can get electrolysis or bleach the hairs.

I may get electrolysis and then I think I may get a tattoo around the top area since the scar line may be a little pronounced and will show with swimming suits and other open neck tops.

You just got to laugh about something like this. Too too funny. Like I told my friends, at least we know the TRAM flap has a good blood supply - or else the hair couldn't grow! LOL : )

My "Wii" Son

Yes, the "wii" reference means that my son is now one of the many kids and adults out there who have a Nintendo Wii. He's been saving for one for several months. He had about a third of the money he needed by saving his allowance and then both his dad and I had savings accounts for him. We dipped into that to purchase his wii, another wiimote, and Wii Play. Wii Sports comes with the unit.

I played tennis, baseball, and bowling with him after school today and I got to tell you - you do wave your arms around! It was a bit muggy out today and I could certainly feel the humidity as I played. It was fun! I can see how the game could be addicting.

My son was so excited about playing the Wii - they got the unit last night - that on the way to school this morning, he made the comment, "The Wayside School is only in school from 9 to 2 - only five hours! My school goes from 8:15 to 3 - a whole seven hours! That's not fair." I thought perhaps he was just wishing it was Sat not Fri. Then, he said, "Mama, how much is 60 times 7?" I answered, "420". "Darn!" he says, "I have to count to 100 four times!". Then, I got to thinking about the Wii and I said, "Are you counting the minutes until you can go home to play the Wii?" He said, "No, I'm counting the minutes until you pick me up so we can go to the store and get Wii Play."

Hmm, not at all anxious, huh?