Getting Weepy and Some Reflections

Twice in the last couple of days, I've gotten weepy. It was when two different individuals - one on Tuesday and one on Wednesday - made a comment about the way that I deal with uncertainty. I was chatting with both them about these spots on my lungs. I can't remember exactly how the one on Tuesday phrased it, but I did tear up. On Wednesday, however, K. said, "I don't know how you can keep smiling" - this was after I said that I'd been a little worried after reading my CT scan results on Tuesday.

I read another blog in which the author said that someone said, "I'm proud of you" and the person started crying. I completely understand that upwell of emotion. Not sure where it stems from. Perhaps it's because we don't feel that we deserve these kinds of comments? That really, we're scared little kids sometimes and are faking it? Wondering how we can both be strong and scared silly at the same time?

I'm not sure. I don't think I'm faking it when I smile. Sure, there are kernels of worry there, but I do work hard at not letting them grow. I was reading Andrew Weil's book last night, Spontaneous Healing, and in the section that had to do with mind/spirit, he suggested that rather than focusing on worrying about cancer, you should instead focus your mind's attention on everything your immune system is doing to fight it. Imagine your immune system, the chemo drugs, etc., doing their job to keep it all at bay. Focus on the positive, in other words.

I read that before bed and after I'd done some qigong. I have to admit, even though I am taking Tykerb (not a full dose), and usually Tykerb messes with my sleep, I did sleep okay last night, if not long enough. I had a good four hour stretch where I didn't wake up, which is really an improvement over a few months ago. I've been making sleep a priority and I seem to be stringing together these four to five hour stretches more often. I need to get better about the qigong, though. I think it does help me sleep. Also, I've done qigong three times this week, right before bed, and I notice that the stiffness in my hips seems better. The particular qigong form that I do, Eight Treasures, was developed in order to help creaky joints. Hmmm . . .

I have also not been great about coloring mandalas. I colored a few after surgery, but I haven't colored lately. It helps, too.

The day has ended up sunny and in the mid to high 60s today. Can't beat that! I also drove members of Eddie's class to the movie theater today - we watched "Earth". It was narrated by James Earl Jones and was really beautifully shot. There was some predator/prey shots, too, but they stopped short of actually showing animals die. I really enjoyed it and recommend it!

Another Casualty of the Economy

Actually, it isn't a casualty, but it is a loss to our department. Loretta, our secretary, has been transferred to the college. Loretta has been working for us for 15 or more years; she sent me many of the boob cartoons that I've posted on this blog; and she maintains our departmental website. We had a "transition party" for her today.

We're really going to miss her.

Good luck, Loretta!

Good News Tempered by . . .

the news that a colleague of mine just had two mammograms that showed calcifications. She had two clusters of calcifications and so they plan to do a needle biopsy next Tuesday to see if it is cancer. I hope she doesn't ...

Good News - Oregon's drug repository

Here is a quote from my representative, Sara Gelser, about the drug repository bill:

Deanna,

I just wanted to let you know that your fantastic Charitable Pharmacy/Drug Repository bill just passed the House with no dissenting votes. From here it goes to the Senate, where I think it has a promising future.

If the bill passes the Senate, would you be interested in attending a bill signing ceremony for this bill? It would be great for you to meet the Governor, and get a pen. I'll also get you an official parchment copy of the bill with all the fancy seals when (knock on wood) it is enacted into law!

Thank you so much for your tremendous work on this!

Sara

Representative Sara Gelser

I responded by saying that I would most certainly enjoy attending the bill signing! Yippee!

If anyone has a chance, please email your Oregon state senators asking them to support the bill. I will keep you posted as things progress!

Nothing New - Just a Busy Productive Week-end

Hello everyone,
Nothing new going on here. Just a normal, busy week-end putzing around at home. Scott worked on the fence and took stuff to the dump and to Goodwill, dad worked on the yard, and I did some spring cleaning at the house, put some stuff up on Craigslist, and ran errands.

We played cards last night and Eddie got to play on the Wii at my friend's house.

I forgot to go to softball today, though. Just too busy putzing around.

Now, I need to grade some papers. I might fall asleep, though. I'm bushed!!

A big thank you to dad and Scott for helping out!

Medical Appointment Tally

From Jan 1 to March 31, a total of 90 days, I had 24 medical or acupuncture or counseling appointments on 22 days. About 24% of my days had at least one appointment.

From April 1 to April 26 (counting ahead to the week-end), I have had 6 appointments on 4 days, or about 15% of my days.

The percentage is improving.

If you recall, when I calculated my appointments for 2008, I only noted the total number of days for which I had appointments (125 days) and some days had multiple appointments, so I guess I didn't count the total number of appointments. But of the 366 (it was a leap year) days in the year, I had appointments on 125 of the days, for 34%.

My guess is that most people do not have medically-related appointments on 24% or 15% of their days. But it's a damn sight better than 34%!!

Here's to seeing that percentage decrease in the coming months! (And, I wonder why I can't work as fast as I want on my writing!)

Four weeks down, six (five, really) to go

What am I talking about?

Teaching.

While my classes are going fairly well, or well enough anyway, I'm really feeling burntout.

I just want more time to write.

I can't wait to go back to Alaska this summer. I haven't been to Nome in two years, I think. That's a scary thought. I really miss the folks up there and my cousins. Hard to believe that my cousin's daughter, Katie, is five or thereabouts. Sheesh.

I'm looking forward to Norway in a couple of weeks. In addition to helping plan an indigenous placenames conference, we will actually get to go out on the land and visit Sami placenames. Soooo cool!

See - that's where my passion lies: in the research. Got to figure out a way to do more of that . . .

Six more weeks of classes to go, but really only five, since I'll be in Norway for a week. Who's counting?